'He who has two coats, let him give one to him who has none'; and that provision must be made, lest what she gladly did she might not always be able to do; and many things of this kind, which she would set aside with wondrous modesty and most sparing speech, calling the Lord to witness that she did all things for his name's sake, and that this was her vow: that she herself might die a beggar, that she might not leave a single coin to her daughter, and that at her funeral she might be wrapped in another's shroud. At last she would add: 'I, if I ask, shall find many who will give to me;
but if this beggar does not receive from me what I can give him even from another's means, and dies, from whom shall his soul be required?' I desired to be more cautious in domestic affairs, but she, more ardent in faith, was joined with her whole soul to the Saviour, and, poor in spirit, followed the poor Lord, rendering back to him what she had received, made poor for his sake. In the end she attained what she desired, and left her daughter in great debt, which — still owing it to this day — she trusts to repay not by her own strength but by the faith and mercy of Christ. Most matrons are wont to bestow gifts upon their own trumpeters and, having lavished their bounty on a few, to withdraw their hand from the rest: from which fault she was wholly free;
for she so divided her money to each as was needful to each — not for luxury but for necessity. No poor person returned from her empty. This she achieved not by the greatness of her riches but by the prudence of dispensing, ever repeating that saying: 'Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy,' and 'As water quenches fire, so does almsgiving quench sin,' and 'Make to yourselves friends of the mammon of iniquity, that they may receive you into eternal tabernacles,' and 'Give alms, and behold, all things are clean,' and the words of Daniel admonishing king Nebuchadnezzar that he should redeem his sins by almsgiving.
She was unwilling to pour out money upon those stones which are to pass away with the earth and the world, but upon the living stones which roll upon the earth, of which in the Apocalypse of John the city of the great King is built, which Scripture records are to be turned into sapphire and emerald and jasper and the other gems. But these things can be common to not a few, and the devil knows that they are not set upon the highest summit of the virtues. Whence he speaks to the Lord, after the substance of Job was lost, after his house was overthrown, after his children were slain: 'Skin for skin; all that a man has will he give for his life. But stretch forth thy hand and touch his bones and his flesh, and see whether he will bless thee to thy face.'
We know that very many have given alms but have given nothing of their own body, have stretched out their hand to the needy but, overcome by the pleasure of the flesh, have whitened the things that were outside and within have been full of dead men's bones. But not such was Paula, who was of such great continence that she almost exceeded measure, and by excessive fastings and toil contracted a weakness of body; who, except on feast days, scarcely took oil in her food — so that from this one thing it may be judged what she thought of wine and fish-sauce and fish and milk and honey and eggs and the rest of the things that are pleasant to the taste. In taking which some think themselves most abstinent, and, if they gorge their belly with these, suppose their chastity secure.
Envy always follows the virtues, and the lightnings strike the highest mountains. It is no wonder if I say this of men, since even our Lord was crucified by the zeal of the Pharisees, and all the saints have had rivals, and in paradise too there was the serpent, by whose envy death entered into the world! The Lord had raised up against her Hadad the Idumaean to buffet her, lest she should exalt herself, and, as if by a certain thorn in the flesh, he often admonished her, lest by the greatness of her virtues she should be too highly wise and, [comparing herself] with the vices of other women, believe herself established on high.
I would say that one must yield to spite and give place to madness, as Jacob had done with his brother Esau and David with the most obstinate Saul among his enemies — of whom the one fled to Mesopotamia, the other gave himself up to the foreigners, preferring to be subject to enemies rather than to the envious. But she would answer: 'You would say this justly, if the devil did not everywhere fight against the servants and handmaids of God and go before those who flee to all places; if I were not held by love of the holy places and could find my Bethlehem in another part of the earth. For why should I not overcome spite by patience? Why should I not break pride by humility and offer the other cheek to him who strikes me, since Paul says: Overcome evil with good?
Did not the apostles glory when for the Lord they suffered reproach? Did not the Saviour himself humble himself, taking the form of a servant and being made obedient to the Father unto death, even the death of the cross, that he might save us by his passion? Job, unless he had striven and conquered in the battle, would not have received the crown of righteousness, nor would he have heard from the Lord: Dost thou think I spoke to thee otherwise than that thou mightest appear righteous? Blessed in the Gospel are they called who suffer persecution for righteousness' sake. Let the conscience be secure that we suffer not on account of our sins; and affliction in the world is the material of rewards.' If ever an enemy had been too insolent and had leapt forth even to quarrels of words, she would chant that saying of the Psalter:
'When the sinner stood against me, I was dumb and was humbled and kept silence even from good'; and again: 'But I, as a deaf man, heard not, and as a dumb man that opens not his mouth. And I became as a man that hears not, and that has no reproofs in his mouth.' In temptations she would ponder the words of Deuteronomy: 'The Lord your God tempts you, that he may know whether you love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.' In tribulations and straits she would repeat the sayings of Isaiah:
'You who have been weaned from the milk, who have been drawn from the breast, expect tribulation upon tribulation, hope upon hope, yet a little and yet a little, because of the malice of the lips, because of the strange tongue'; and she would expound the testimony of Scripture to her own consolation: that it belongs to the weaned — to those who have come to a manly age — to sustain tribulation upon tribulation, that they might deserve to receive hope upon hope, knowing that 'tribulation works patience, patience trial, trial hope, and hope does not confound,' and that 'if the man who is outside — our outer man — is corrupted, yet he who is within is renewed.'
'And for the present the momentary and light [burden] of our tribulation works in us an eternal weight of glory, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.' And [she said] that the time would not be long — even if it seemed slow to human impatience — before God's help would follow, who says: 'In an acceptable time I have heard thee, and in the day of salvation I have helped thee.' And that the deceitful lips and tongues of the wicked are not to be feared, since we rejoice with the Lord as helper and ought to hear him admonishing: 'In your patience you shall possess your souls,' and:
'The sufferings of the present age are not worthy [to be compared] with the future glory which shall be revealed in us'; and elsewhere, that we should act patiently in all things, whatsoever befall us: 'for a patient man is [rich] in much prudence, but he who is faint-hearted is exceedingly foolish.' In faintings and frequent infirmity she would say: 'When I am weak, then am I strong,' and: 'We have this treasure in earthen vessels,' until 'this mortal shall put on immortality and this corruptible shall be clothed with incorruption'; and again: 'As the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so also through Christ has our consolation abounded'; and then: 'As you are partakers of the sufferings, so shall you be also of the consolation.' In grief she would sing:
'Why art thou sad, O my soul, and why dost thou disquiet me? Hope in God, for I will yet confess to him, the salvation of my countenance and my God.' In dangers she would say: 'He who wishes to come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me,' and again: 'He who wishes to save his soul shall lose it,' and: 'He who shall lose his soul for my sake shall save it.' When the losses of her domestic estate and the overthrow of her whole patrimony were announced, she would say: 'For what does it profit a man, if he gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?' And: 'Naked I came out of my mother's womb, naked shall I also return. As it has pleased the Lord, so it is done; blessed be the name of the Lord'; and that saying:
'Do not love the world, nor the things that are in the world, for all that is in the world is the desire of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of this life, which is not of the Father but is of the world; and the world passes away, and the lust thereof.' I know that most grievous illnesses of her children were written to her, and above all of her own Toxotius, whom she loved most dearly. And when she had by her virtue fulfilled that saying, 'I was troubled and I did not speak,' she broke forth into these words: 'He who loves son or daughter above me is not worthy of me,' and praying she spoke to the Lord: 'Take possession of the children of those who have mortified themselves, who for thy sake daily mortify their own bodies.'
I knew a certain whisperer — a kind of man that is most pernicious — who, as if out of goodwill, reported that because of her excessive fervour in virtue she seemed to some to be insane, and that they said her brain ought to be treated. To him she replied: 'We are made a spectacle to the world, and to angels, and to men; we are fools for Christ's sake, but the foolishness of God is wiser than men; whence also the Saviour speaks to the Father: Thou knowest my foolishness. Him too in the Gospel even his kinsmen wished to bind as though he were out of his mind, and his adversaries reviled him saying: He has a demon, and he is a Samaritan, and: By Beelzebub, the prince of demons, he casts out demons. But let us listen to the Apostle exhorting us:
'This is our glorying, the testimony of our conscience, that in holiness and sincerity and the grace of God we have conducted ourselves in the world'; and the Lord saying to the apostles: 'Therefore the world hates you, because you are not of the world; for if you were of the world, the world would surely love what was its own.' And to the Lord himself she turned her words: 'Thou knowest the secrets of the heart,' and: 'All these things have come upon us, and we have not forgotten thee, nor have we dealt unjustly against thy covenant, nor has our heart turned back,' and: 'For thy sake we are put to death all the day long, we are counted as sheep for the slaughter, but the Lord is my helper, I will not fear what man can do to me.' For I have read:
'My son, honour the Lord and thou shalt be strengthened, and beside him fear thou none.' With these and like testimonies, as with the armour of Christ, she equipped herself against all vices indeed, but especially against raging envy, and by suffering wrongs she softened the fury of a heart heavy with grief. In short, right up to the day of death both her own patience and the jealousy of others were plain to all — of that envy which gnaws its own author and, while it strives to wound its rival, rages against its own self with its own fury. Let me speak also of the order of the monastery, how she turned the self-restraint of holy women to her own gain. She sowed carnal things that she might reap spiritual; she gave earthly things that she might take heavenly; she granted brief things that she might exchange them for eternal.
After the monastery for men, which she had handed over to men to govern, she divided the many virgins whom she had gathered from various provinces — as many of noble birth as of middling and lowest rank — into three companies and monasteries, in such a way that, though separated in work and food, they were joined in psalmody and prayers. After the singing of the Alleluia, at which signal they were summoned to assembly, it was permitted to none to remain behind; but coming first or among the first, she awaited the gathering of the rest, urging them to labour by modesty and example, not by terror. At morning, at the third hour, the sixth, the ninth, at evening, and at midnight they sang the Psalter in order, nor was it permitted to any of the sisters to be ignorant of the psalms and not to learn something daily from the holy Scriptures.
Only on the Lord's Day did they proceed to the church, beside which they dwelt, and each band followed its own mother; and returning thence together they applied themselves to appointed work and made garments either for themselves or for the others. If any was of noble birth, she was not permitted to have a companion from her own household, lest, mindful of former deeds, she should reopen the old error of her wanton childhood and renew it by frequent chatter. There was one habit for all; they used linen cloth only for wiping their hands. So great was their separation from men that she kept them apart even from eunuchs, lest she should give any occasion to the slanderous tongue, which is wont to carp at holy persons as a solace for its own delinquencies.
If any came too slowly to the psalms and was too sluggish in work, she approached her in various ways. If she was prone to anger, with gentle words; if patient, with rebuke — imitating that saying of the Apostle: 'What will you? Shall I come to you with a rod, or in the spirit of gentleness and meekness?' Except for food and clothing she suffered none to possess anything, since Paul says: 'Having food and clothing, with these let us be content,' lest by the habit of possessing more she should give place to avarice, which is filled by no riches and, the more it has, the more it requires, and is diminished neither by abundance nor by want. Those who quarrelled among themselves she reconciled with the gentlest speech.
The wanton flesh of the young girls she subdued with frequent and doubled fasts, preferring that they should suffer in the stomach rather than in the mind. If she saw any too elaborately adorned, she reproved the erring one with a knitting of the brow and a sadness of countenance, saying that cleanliness of body and dress was an uncleanness of the soul, and that a base or wanton word ought never to be uttered from a virgin's mouth; for by such signs a lustful soul is disclosed, and through the outer man the vices of the inner man are shown.
Whomever she had perceived to be talkative and garrulous and forward, and to delight in quarrels, and, though often admonished, unwilling to reform, she made to pray among the lowest and apart from the assembly of the sisters at the doors of the dining hall, and to take her food separately, so that shame might amend her whom rebuke had not corrected. Theft she detested as sacrilege, and what among men of the world is reckoned either trivial or as nothing, this she said was in monasteries a most grievous offence. Why should I recall her clemency and diligence towards the sick, whom she cherished with wondrous attentions and services?
And while to others who were ailing she abundantly provided everything, and even furnished them the eating of meat, yet if she herself ever fell sick, she did not indulge herself, and in this she seemed unequal, that towards others she turned clemency, towards herself severity. No one of the young girls with a sound and vigorous body had given herself to such great abstinence as she with her broken, aged, and enfeebled little frame. I confess, in this matter she was too stubborn, so as not to spare herself, so as to yield to none who admonished her. I shall relate what I myself experienced.
In the month of July, in the most burning heat, she fell into a fever's ardour; and after despair, when by God's mercy she had rallied, and the physicians urged that for the restoration of her body she needed a little light wine, lest by drinking water she should turn to dropsy — and when I secretly asked the blessed Pope Epiphanius to admonish her, or rather to compel her to drink wine — being prudent and of shrewd wit, she at once perceived the plot, and smiling she intimated that what he said was of my doing. Why say more? When the blessed pontiff, after much exhortation, had gone out, and I asked what he had accomplished, he answered: 'I have gained only this, that I have almost persuaded an old woman not to drink wine.'
I relate these things, not that I approve of burdens taken up inconsiderately and beyond one's strength — since Scripture warns: 'Lift not upon thyself a burden above thee' — but that from this perseverance too I may prove the ardour of her mind and the desire of a faithful soul, which says: 'My soul has thirsted for thee, and how manifoldly my flesh also.' It is difficult to keep measure in all things. And truly, according to the maxim of the philosophers, 'the mean states are virtues, the excesses are vices' — which we can express in a single little sentence: 'Nothing too much.'
She who in contempt of food had so great obstinacy, was gentle in mourning and was broken by the deaths of her own, especially of her children — for both at her husband's and at her sons' falling-asleep she was ever in peril — and, though she would sign her mouth and stomach and strive to soothe a mother's grief by the impress of the cross, still her affection overcame her, and a parent's inward bowels of a trusting mind dismayed her; and conquering in spirit, she was conquered by the frailty of the body, which, once seized by illness, held her possessed for a long time and brought disquiet to us and danger to herself. At this she rejoiced, recalling from moment to moment: 'Wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death?' Let the prudent reader say that I write reproach in place of praise.
I call to witness Jesus, whom she served and whom I desire to serve, that on both sides I feign nothing, but as a Christian concerning a Christian woman I set forth what is true — that is, I write history, not a panegyric — and that her faults were the virtues of others. I speak of faults according to my own mind and the desire of all the sisters and brethren who love her and seek her now absent. For the rest, she has fulfilled her course and kept the faith, and now enjoys the crown of righteousness. She follows the Lamb wherever he goes; she is filled who hungered, and joyfully she sings: 'As we have heard, so also have we seen in the city of the Lord of hosts, in the city of our God.' O blessed exchange of things!
She wept that she might always laugh; she despised broken cisterns that she might find the Lord, the fountain; [she was clothed in sackcloth that she might now use white garments and say: 'Thou hast rent my sackcloth and hast girded me with gladness.' She ate ashes as bread and mingled her drink with weeping, saying: 'My tears have been my bread day and night,' that she might feed forever on the bread of angels and sing: 'Taste and see that the Lord is sweet,' and: 'My heart has uttered a good word: I speak my works to the King.' And she saw fulfilled in herself the words of Isaiah, or rather of the Lord through Isaiah: 'Behold, they that serve me shall eat, but you shall hunger. Behold, they that serve me shall drink, but you shall thirst.
Behold, they that serve me shall rejoice, but you shall be confounded. Behold, they that serve me shall exult in gladness, but you shall cry out for grief of heart and shall howl for contrition of spirit.' I had said that she always fled broken cisterns, that she might find the Lord, the fountain,] so that she might joyfully sing: 'As the hart longs for the fountains of waters, so my soul longs for thee, O God. My soul has thirsted for the strong, living God: when shall I come and appear before the face of God?' Let me then touch briefly on how she avoided the muddy cisterns of the heretics and held them to be as pagans. A certain crafty veteran, and, as he thought himself, learned and knowing, without my knowledge began to propose questions to her and to say:
'What sin has an infant committed, that it should be seized by a demon? At what age shall we rise again — at that very age at which we die? Then after the resurrection there will be need even of nurses. At another age? Then there will be no resurrection of the dead, but a transformation into others. Will there also be a diversity of sex, of male and female, or not? If there will be, then marriages and intercourse and generation will follow. If there will not be, then, the diversity of sex being removed, the same bodies will not rise again — for the earthly habitation weighs down the mind that is anxious about many things — but subtle and spiritual ones, as the Apostle says:
'It is sown a natural body, it rises a spiritual body.' From all which he desired to prove that rational creatures, on account of certain vices and ancient sins, had fallen into bodies, and according to the diversity and merits of their sins were generated in this or that condition, so that either they should rejoice in health of body and in the riches and nobility of parents, or, coming into diseased flesh and the houses of the poor, should pay the penalties of their former offences and be shut up in the present age and body as in a prison. When she had heard this and reported it to me, pointing out the man, and the necessity was laid upon me of resisting this most wicked viper and deadly beast — of which the psalmist makes mention, saying: 'Deliver not to the beasts the soul that confesses to thee,' and:
'Rebuke, O Lord, the beasts of the reed, who write iniquity and speak lies against the Lord, and lift up their mouth on high' — I met with the man, and by a brief interrogation I hemmed in him whom he was striving to deceive by his prayers, asking whether he believed there would be a future resurrection of the dead or not. When he had answered that he did believe, I pressed on: 'Do the same bodies rise, or others?' When he had said 'The same,' I inquired: 'In the same sex or another?' When he was silent at my questions and, like a snake, kept shifting his head this way and that lest it be struck: 'Since,' I said, 'you are silent, I will answer for you in your stead and draw the consequences.
If neither woman nor man rises again, there will be no resurrection of the dead, because sex has members, and members make up the whole body. But if sex and members do not exist, where will be the resurrection of bodies, which does not consist without sex and members? Further, if there be no resurrection of bodies, there will by no means be a resurrection of the dead. But that too which you object concerning marriage — that, if the same members exist, marriages follow — is dissolved by the Saviour: 'You err, not knowing the Scriptures nor the power of God; for in the resurrection of the dead they shall neither marry nor be given in marriage, but shall be like the angels.' Where it is said, 'They shall neither marry nor be given in marriage,' a diversity of the sexes is shown. For no one says of stone and wood:
'They shall neither marry nor be given in marriage,' since these do not have the nature of marrying, but he speaks of those who are able to marry and yet, by the grace and power of Christ, do not marry. But if you object: 'How then shall we be like the angels, since among the angels there is no male and female?' — hear briefly: he promises us not the substance of angels, but their manner of life and blessedness; just as John the Baptist, before he was beheaded, was called an angel, and all the saints and virgins of God even in this age express in themselves the life of angels. For when it is said, 'You shall be like the angels,' a likeness is promised, the nature is not changed.
And at the same time answer how you interpret this: that Thomas felt the hands of the risen Lord and saw the side wounded by the lance, and that Peter beheld the Lord standing on the shore and eating a piece of honeycomb and part of a broiled fish. He who stood assuredly had feet; he who showed his wounded side certainly had also a belly and breast, without which sides that cling to belly and breast do not exist; he who spoke, spoke with tongue and palate by means of the teeth — for as the plectrum strikes the string, so the tongue is struck against the teeth and renders a vocal sound; he whose hands were felt, consequently also had arms.
Since therefore he is said to have had all the members, it is necessary that he had the whole body which is composed of members — not, to be sure, a feminine one, but a masculine, that is, of the same sex in which he died. But if you allege: 'Then shall we too eat after the resurrection? And how did he enter through closed doors, contrary to the nature of solid and dense bodies?' — you shall hear: Do not, on account of food, drag the faith of the resurrection into calumny. For he commanded that food be given to the raised daughter of the ruler of the synagogue, and Lazarus, dead four days, is written to have gone in to a banquet with him, lest their resurrection be thought a phantasm.
But if he entered through closed doors and on that account you strive to prove the body spiritual and ethereal, then also before he suffered, since contrary to the nature of heavier bodies he walked upon the sea, he had a spiritual body; and the apostle Peter, since he too walked upon the waters with suspended step, must be believed to have had a spiritual body — whereas rather the power and might of God is shown, when something is done contrary to nature. And that you may know that in the greatness of miracles it is not a change of nature but God's omnipotence that is demonstrated: he who walked by faith began to sink through unbelief, had not the hand of the Lord raised him up, saying: 'Why didst thou doubt, O thou of little faith?'
But I marvel that you harden your brow when the Lord says: 'Put in thy finger hither and touch my hands, and reach forth thy hand and put it into my side, and be not unbelieving but believing.' And elsewhere: 'See my hands and feet, that it is I myself. Handle and see, for a spirit has not flesh and bones, as you see me to have.' And when he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. You hear of bones and flesh, of feet and hands; and you feign for me the globes of the Stoics and certain airy ravings! Furthermore, you ask why an infant is seized by a demon, who had no sins of his own, or at what age we shall rise again, since we die at different ages. Unwillingly you shall receive: 'The judgments of the Lord are a great deep,' and:
'O the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How incomprehensible are his judgments and unsearchable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counsellor?' But the diversity of ages does not change the reality of bodies. For since our bodies daily flow away and either grow or diminish, shall we then be as many men as we are daily changed into? Or was I another when I was ten years old, another when thirty, another when fifty, another now that I am already all grey-headed?