📜 Verbum
Scripture and the Fathers, read aloud in the original

← All books · Latin Fathers › Letters (CSEL)

Jerome

Letters (CSEL) 1 part 1/85

Latin original · 38 verses · some words can be tapped for a gloss · long chapter, split into parts; this part covers 1:1–1:38 (3306 verses in all)

ch. 2 →
next part →
1:1
I. AD INNOCENTIUM PRESBVTERUM DE SEPTIES PERCUSSA. Saepe a me, Innocenti carissime, postulasti, ut de eius miraculo rei, quae in nostram aetatem inciderat, non tacerem. cumque ego id uerecunde et uere, ut nunc experior, negarem meque adsequi posse diffiderem, siue quia omnis humanus sermo inferior esset laude caelesti, siue quia otium quasi quaedam ingenii robigo paruulam licet facultatem pristini siccasset eloquii, tu e contrario adserebas in dei rebus non possibilitatem inspici debere, sed animum, neque eum posse uerba deficere, qui credidisset in uerbo. Quid igitur faciam? quod inplere non possum, negare non audeo.
I. TO THE PRESBYTER INNOCENTIUS, CONCERNING THE WOMAN STRUCK SEVEN TIMES. Often, dearest Innocentius, you have asked me not to keep silence about the miracle of that event which had befallen in our own age. And when I, out of modesty and truly—as I now find by experience—declined, and doubted that I could accomplish it, whether because all human speech is inferior to heavenly praise, or because leisure, like a certain rust of the wit, had dried up my slender faculty for former eloquence, you on the contrary insisted that in the things of God one ought not to consider possibility but the will, and that he could not lack words who had believed in the Word. What, then, shall I do? What I cannot fulfill, I dare not refuse.
一、致長老依諾森,論那受擊打七次的婦人。至親愛的依諾森,你屢次求我,不要對那件發生在我們這世代的奇事保持緘默。當我出於謙遜、且如今切身經歷所證實地確實推辭,並且懷疑自己無法勝任時——或因一切屬人的言語都遜於屬天的頌讚,或因閒散如同才智的鏽蝕,已使我微薄的舊日辭令枯竭——你卻反倒堅持說:在神的事上不當看可能性,乃當看心志,並且凡信了「道」的人,也不至於缺乏言語。那麼我當怎樣行呢?我所不能成就的,我卻不敢推辭。
1:2
super onerariam nauem rudis uector inponor et homo, qui necdum scalmum in lacu rexi, Euxini maris credor fragori. nunc mihi euanescentibus terris caelum und i que et undique pontus, nunc unda tenebris inhorrescens et caeca nocte nimborum spumei fluctus canescunt. hortaris, ut tumida malo uela suspendam, rudentes explicem, clauum regam. pareo iam iubenti et, quia caritas omnia potest, spiritu sancto cursum prosequente confidam habiturus in utraque parte solacium: si me ad optatos portus aestus adpulerit, gubernator putabor; si inter asperos orationis anfractus inpolitus sermo substiterit, facultatem forsitan quaeras, uoluntatem certe flagitare non poteris.
I am set as an untrained passenger upon a cargo ship, and I, a man who has not yet steered even an oar-pin upon a lake, am entrusted to the roar of the Euxine Sea. Now, with the lands vanishing from sight, there is sky on every side and sea on every side; now the wave, bristling with darkness, and in the blind night of storm-clouds the foaming billows grow white. You urge me to hoist the swelling sails upon the mast, to unfurl the ropes, to hold the helm. I now obey your command, and, because charity can do all things, I will trust with the Holy Spirit pursuing my course, having consolation on either side: if the tide drives me to the wished-for harbors, I shall be reckoned a helmsman; but if amid the rough windings of my discourse my unpolished speech should founder, you may perhaps seek ability, but assuredly you will not be able to demand goodwill.
我這生手乘客被放在一艘貨船上,我這連在湖上都未曾掌過一根槳栓的人,竟被託付於黑海的怒濤。如今陸地從眼前消逝,四面是天、四面是海;如今波濤因幽暗而聳立,在風暴烏雲的暗夜裡,泡沫翻騰的巨浪泛白。你催促我把鼓脹的帆掛上桅杆,展開繩索,掌住舵柄。我如今遵你的吩咐,且因愛能做一切事,我要靠著聖靈引領我的航程而存信心,兩面都有安慰:若潮水把我送到所盼望的港口,我便算為舵手;但若在我言論的崎嶇曲折中,我這粗陋的話語擱淺了,你或許可求才能,卻斷不能索求善意。
1:3
Igitur Vercellae Ligurum ciuitas haud procul a radicibus Alpium sita, olim potens, nunc raro habitatore semiruta. hanc cum ex more consularis inuiseret, oblatam sibi quandam mulierculam una cum adultero .— nam id crimen maritus inpegeratpoenali carceris horrore circumdedit. neque multo post, cum liuidas carnes ungula cruenta pulsaret. et sulcatis lateribus dolor quaereret ueritatem, infelicissimus iuuenis uolens conpendio mortis longos uitare cruciatus, dum in suum mentitur sanguinem, accusauit alienum solusque omnium miser merito nisus est percuti, quia non reliquit innoxiae, unde posset negare.
Now Vercellae, a city of the Ligurians, situated not far from the foothills of the Alps, once powerful, is now half-ruined with but a rare inhabitant. When the consular, according to custom, was visiting it, there was brought before him a certain wretched woman together with her adulterer—for the husband had leveled this charge—and he surrounded her with the penal horror of the dungeon. And not long after, when the bloody claw was beating the livid flesh and pain, with the sides furrowed, sought the truth, the most unfortunate young man, wishing by a shortcut of death to avoid the long torments, while he lies against his own blood, accused another's, and alone of all, wretched, deserved to be struck with justice, because he left the innocent woman no means by which she could deny.
利古里亞人的城邑韋爾切萊,坐落於阿爾卑斯山麓不遠處,昔日強盛,如今卻半成廢墟,居民寥寥。當那執政官照例巡視此城時,有一個可憐的婦人連同她的姦夫被帶到他面前——因為她丈夫控告了這罪——他便將她投入牢獄,圍以刑罰的恐怖。不多時,當那染血的鐵爪抽打著青紫的皮肉、痛苦在犁開的兩肋間追尋真相時,那最不幸的少年為要以速死的捷徑躲避長久的酷刑,便反著自己的血口撒謊,誣告了別人的血,且在眾人中獨自這可憐人理當受死,因為他沒有給那無辜的婦人留下任何可以否認的餘地。
1:4
at uero mulier sexu fortior suo, cum eculeus corpus extenderet et sordidas paedore carceris manus post tergum uincula cohiberent, oculis, quos tantum tortor alligare non poterat, suspexit ad caelum et uolutis per ora lacrimis: \'tu,\' inquit, \'testis, domine Iesu, cui occultum nihil est, qui es scrutator renis et cordis, non ideo me negare uelle, ne peream, sed ideo mentiri nolle, ne peccem. at tu, miserrime homo, si interire festinas, cur duos interimis innocentes? equidem et ipsa cupio mori, cupio inuisum hoc corpus exuere, sed non quasi adultera. praesto iugulum, micantem intrepida excipio mucronem, innocentiam tantum mecum feram.
But the woman, stronger than her sex, when the rack stretched her body and chains held her filth-defiled hands behind her back, lifted to heaven the eyes which alone the torturer could not bind, and with tears rolling down her face, said: 'You, Lord Jesus, are my witness, from whom nothing is hidden, who are the searcher of the reins and of the heart, that I do not wish to deny lest I perish, but that I refuse to lie lest I sin. But you, most wretched man, if you hasten to perish, why do you destroy two innocent people? I too indeed desire to die, I desire to put off this hateful body, but not as an adulteress. I offer my throat, undaunted I receive the glittering blade—only my innocence will I carry with me.
但那超越自己性別而剛強的婦人,當拷架撐開她的身體、鎖鏈把她因牢獄污穢而骯髒的雙手縛在背後時,她舉目望天——那眼目是刑吏唯一不能捆綁的——淚水滾過臉頰,說道:「主耶穌啊,你是我的見證,在你沒有什麼是隱藏的,你是察驗肺腑心腸的;我並非為怕滅亡而不願否認,乃是為怕犯罪而不願說謊。但你這至可憐的人哪,你若急著滅亡,為何要毀掉兩個無辜的人呢?我實在也願意死,願意脫去這可憎的身體,只是不願作為淫婦而死。我獻上我的咽喉,毫無懼怕地承受那閃亮的刀鋒——我只要帶著我的清白同去。
1:5
non moritur, quisquis uicturus occiditur.\' Igitur consularis pastis cruore luminibus ut fera, quae gustatum semel sanguinem semper sitit, duplicari tormenta iubet et saeuum dentibus frendens similem carnifici minitatus est poenam, nisi confiteretur sexus infirmior, quod non potuerat robur uirile reticere. \'Succurre, domine Iesu: ad unum hominem tuum quam plura sunt inuenta supplicia!\' crines ligantur ad stipitem et toto corpore ad eculeum fortius alligato uicinus pedibus ignis adponitur, utrumque latus carnifex fodit nec papillis dantur indutiae: inmota mulier manet et a dolore corporis spiritu separato, dum conscientiae bono fruitur, uetuit circa se saeuire 2 tormenta.
He does not die, whosoever is slain only to live.' The consular, then, his eyes feasted on gore like a wild beast which, once having tasted blood, ever thirsts for it, orders the torments to be doubled, and gnashing his teeth savagely, threatened the weaker sex with a punishment like the executioner's, unless she should confess what manly strength had been unable to keep silent. 'Come to my aid, Lord Jesus: how many torments have been devised against this one servant of yours!' Her hair is bound to a stake, and with her whole body fastened more tightly to the rack, fire is set near her feet, the executioner digs into both her sides, and no respite is given to her breasts: the woman remains unmoved, and her spirit being separated from the body's pain, while she enjoys the good of a clear conscience, forbade the torments to rage about her.
凡被殺卻是為了得生的,就不算死了。」於是那執政官眼目飽享血污,如同野獸嘗過一次血便永遠渴血一般,吩咐加倍施刑,凶狠地咬牙切齒,威嚇這較軟弱的女性要受與刑吏所受相似的刑罰,除非她招認那連男子的剛強都無法緘默的事。「主耶穌啊,求你相助:竟有這許多刑罰被想出來對付你這一個僕人!」她的頭髮被縛在木樁上,全身被更緊地綁在拷架上,火被放在她腳邊,刑吏掘裂她的兩肋,連她的胸乳也不得片刻歇息:那婦人卻毫不動搖,她的心靈既與身體的痛苦分離,正當她享受無虧良心的美善時,竟叫那些刑罰不能在她周圍逞凶。
1:6
iudex crudelis quasi superatus adtollitur, illa dominum deprecatur; soluuntur membra conpagibus, illa oculos ad caelum tendit; de communi scelere alius confitetur, illa pro eonfitente negat et periclitans ipsa alium uindicat periclitantem. Una interim uox: \'caede, ure, lacera; non feci. si dictis tollitur fides, ueniet dies, quae hoc crimen diligenter excutiat; habebo iudicem meum.\' iam lassus tortor suspirabat in gemitum nec erat nouo uulneri locus, iam uicta saeuitia corpus, quod laniarat, horrebat: extemplo ira excitus consularis: \'quid miramini,\' inquit, \'circumstantes, si torqueri mauult mulier, quam perire?
The cruel judge raises himself up as though vanquished; she entreats the Lord. Her limbs are loosed from their joints; she stretches her eyes to heaven. Of the common crime the other confesses; she denies on behalf of the confessor, and though herself in peril, vindicates another who is in peril. Meanwhile one voice: 'Strike, burn, tear; I did it not. If credit is withdrawn from words, a day will come that shall diligently sift out this crime; I shall have my own judge.' Now the weary torturer sighed in a groan, nor was there room for a fresh wound; now savagery, overcome, shuddered at the body which it had mangled. Straightway the consular, roused with anger, said: 'Why do you marvel, you bystanders, if a woman prefers to be tortured rather than to perish?
那殘忍的審判官彷彿被打敗似地挺起身來;她卻懇求主。她的四肢從關節鬆脫;她卻舉目望天。論到那共同的罪,另一個人(少年)招認了;她卻替那招認的人否認,且自己身處危難,反倒為另一個身處危難的人辯白。其間只有一聲呼喊:「砍吧、燒吧、撕裂吧;我沒有做。若言語不足取信,必有一日要仔細查明這罪;我必有我自己的審判者。」如今那疲乏的刑吏歎息呻吟,再沒有可加新傷之處;如今那被制伏的凶暴,對自己所撕裂的身體也戰慄起來。那執政官立時被怒氣激動,說道:「你們這些旁觀的人哪,何必希奇,若一個婦人寧願受刑、不願受死呢?
1:7
adulterium certe sine duobus committi non potest et ėsse credibilius reor noxiam. ream negare de scelere, quam innocentem iuuenem confiteri.\' Pari igitur prolata in utrumque sententia damnatos carnifex trahit. totus ad spectaculum populus effunditur et, prorsus quasi migrare ciuitas putaretur, stipatis proruens portis turba densatur. et quidem miserrimi iuuenis ad primum statim ictum amputatur gladio caput truncumque in suo sanguine uolutatur cadauer.
Adultery certainly cannot be committed by fewer than two, and I think it more credible that a guilty woman should deny the crime than that an innocent youth should confess it.' A like sentence, therefore, having been pronounced against both, the executioner drags the condemned away. The whole people pours out to the spectacle, and, just as if the city were thought to be migrating, the crowd, thronging, bursts out through the packed gates and grows dense. And indeed, at the very first blow the head of the most wretched youth is cut off by the sword, and the headless corpse rolls in its own blood.
姦淫必然不能少於兩人才能犯下,我認為一個有罪的婦人否認罪行,比一個無辜的少年招認,更為可信。」於是同樣的判決既已對兩人宣告,刑吏便拖走被定罪的人。全城百姓湧出來看這景象,彷彿以為整座城要遷移一般,人群擁擠,從擠滿的城門湧出,密密麻麻。那最可憐的少年,一經第一擊,頭便被劍砍落,無頭的屍身在自己的血中翻滾。
1:8
postquam uero ad feminam uentum est pt flexis in terram poplitibus super trementem ceruicem mioans eleuatus est gladius et exercitatam carnifex dexteram totis uiribus concitauit, ad primum corporis tactum stetit mucro letalis et leuiter perstringens cutem rasurae modicae sanguinem aspersit. inbellem manum percussor expauit et uictam dexteram gladio marcescente miratus in secundos impetus torquet. languidus rursum in feminam mucro delabitur et, quasi ferrum ream timeret adtingere, circa ceruicem torpet innoxium. itaque furens ..
But after it came to the woman, and with her knees bent to the ground, the sword was raised above her trembling neck, and the executioner drove his practiced right hand with all his strength, at the first touch upon the body the deadly point stood still, and lightly grazing the skin drew a little blood from a slight scratch. The striker was terrified at his own feeble hand and, marveling at his vanquished right hand with its slack sword, turns it for a second attempt. Again the point falls faint upon the woman, and, as though the iron feared to touch the accused, it lies numb and harmless about her neck. And so, raging...
但輪到那婦人時,她雙膝跪地,劍舉在她顫抖的頸項之上,刑吏用盡全力揮下他那熟練的右手,然而一觸及身體,那致命的刀尖竟停住了,只輕輕擦過皮膚,從微小的抓痕滲出些許血。那行刑者對自己無力的手大為驚駭,詫異於自己被制伏、劍鋒疲軟的右手,便轉而第二次揮擊。那刀尖又軟弱地落在婦人身上,彷彿那鐵刃懼怕觸及這被告,麻木無害地停在她頸旁。於是他狂怒起來……
1:9
et anhelus lictor paludamento in ceruicem retorto, dum totas expedit uires, fibulam, quae chlamydis mordebat oras, in humum excussit ignarusque rei ensem librat in uulnus et \'en tibi\', ait mulier, \'ex umero aurum ruit. collige multo quaesitum labore, ne pereat.\' Y, Rogo, quae est ista securitas? inpendentem non timet mortem, laetatur percussa, carnifex pallet; oculi gladium non uidentes tantum fibulam uident et, ne parum esset, quod non. formidabat interitum, praestabat beneficium saeuienti. iam igitur et tertius ictus: sacramentum frustrauerat trinitatis. iam spe-::
and the panting lictor, with his cloak thrown back over his neck, while he summons all his strength, shook to the ground the clasp which bit the edges of his cloak, and unaware of the matter poised his sword for the wound. And 'See,' said the woman, 'the gold has slipped from your shoulder. Gather up what was sought with much toil, lest it be lost.' I ask, what is this composure? She does not fear the death impending over her; struck, she rejoices; the executioner turns pale. Her eyes, not seeing the sword, see only the clasp; and, as though it were too little that she did not dread her destruction, she rendered a kindness to the one raging against her. Now, therefore, came the third blow as well: it had frustrated the sacrament of the Trinity. Now the...
那氣喘吁吁的執刑吏把披風甩到頸後,用盡全力之際,卻把咬住披風邊緣的搭扣震落在地,他懵然不覺,只顧舉劍以求刺傷。婦人卻說:「看哪,那金扣從你肩上滑落了。把費了許多辛勞才尋得的拾起來吧,免得丟失。」我要問,這是何等的鎮定?她不懼那臨到她的死亡;被擊打,她卻歡喜;刑吏反倒臉色發白。她的眼目看不見那劍,只看見那搭扣;彷彿她不懼自己的滅亡還嫌不夠,竟向那對她逞凶的人施了恩惠。如今,那第三擊也來到了:它已使三位一體的聖禮落空。如今……
1:10
culator exterritus et non credens ferro mucronem aptabat in iugulum, ut, qui secare non poterat, saltim premente manu corpori conderetur: — o omnibus inaudita res saeculis! — ad capulum gladius reflectitur et uelut dominum suum uictus aspiciens confessus est se ferire nonvposse . Huc, huc mihi trium exempla puerorum, qui inter frigidos flammarum globos hymnos edidere pro fletibus, circa quorum ■ . sarabara sanctamque caesariem innoxium lusit incendium. huc beati Danihelis reuocetur historia, iuxta quem adulantibus caudis praedam suam leonum ora timuerunt. nunc Susanna nobilis fide mentes omnium subeat, quae iniquo damnata iudicio sancto spiritu puerum replente seruata est.
...the terrified executioner, no longer trusting the iron, was fitting the point to her throat, so that he who could not cut might at least bury it in the body by the pressure of his hand: O thing unheard of in all ages! The sword bends back to its hilt, and as though gazing upon its own vanquished master, confessed that it could not strike. Hither, hither to me the examples of the three youths, who amid the cold globes of flames uttered hymns instead of weeping, about whose loose trousers and holy hair the harmless fire played. Hither let the history of blessed Daniel be recalled, beside whom, with fawning tails, the mouths of the lions feared their own prey. Now let noble Susanna come into the minds of all by her faith, who, condemned by an unjust judgment, was saved by the Holy Spirit filling the boy.
……那驚恐的刑吏不再信賴那鐵刃,把刀尖抵住她的咽喉,好使那不能砍斷的,至少能藉手的按壓刺入身體:哦,這是歷世歷代前所未聞的事!那劍竟彎折回它的刀柄,彷彿凝視著自己被制伏的主人,承認它不能行刺。到我這裡來吧,到我這裡來,那三個少年的榜樣——他們在寒冷的火焰球中發出讚美詩而非哭泣,那無害的火在他們寬鬆的褲子和聖潔的頭髮周圍嬉戲。也讓那有福的但以理的歷史被追念——在他身旁,獅子搖尾,牠們的口懼怕自己的獵物。如今,讓高貴的蘇撒拿憑她的信德進入眾人的心——她被不義的判決定罪,卻因聖靈充滿那少年而得救。
1:11
ecce non dispar in utraque misericordia domini: illa liberata per iudicem, ne iret ad gladium, haec a iudice damnata absoluta per gladium est. Tandem ergo ad feminam uindicandam populus armatur. omnis aetas, omnis sexus carnificem fugat et coetu in circulum coeunte non credit paene unusquisque, quod uidit. turbatur tali nuntio urbs propinqua et tota lictorum caterua glomeratur. e quibus medius, ad quem damnatorum cura pertinebat, erumpens et canitiem inmundam perfuso puluere turpans: \'meum,\' inquit, \'o ciues, petitis caput, me illi uicarium datis! si misericordes, si clementes estis, si uultis seruare damnatam, innocens certe perire non debeo.
Behold, the mercy of the Lord is not unlike in either case: the one delivered by the judge, that she might not go to the sword; this one, condemned by the judge, absolved through the sword. At length, therefore, the people arm themselves to vindicate the woman. Every age, every sex puts the executioner to flight, and as the assembly gathers into a circle, almost each one scarcely believes what he has seen. The neighboring city is thrown into confusion by such news, and the whole troop of lictors is massed together. From among them, bursting forth into the midst, the one to whom the charge of the condemned pertained, and fouling his filthy gray hair with sprinkled dust: 'It is my head, O citizens,' he said, 'that you seek; you offer me as her substitute! If you are merciful, if you are clement, if you wish to save the condemned woman, surely I, being innocent, ought not to perish.
看哪,主的憐憫在這兩件事上並無不同:那一位(蘇撒拿)藉審判官得救,使她不至於受刀劍;這一位卻被審判官定罪,反倒藉刀劍得釋放。於是百姓終於武裝起來要為這婦人伸冤。各樣年齡、各樣性別都把刑吏趕跑,眾人聚成一圈,幾乎人人都不敢信自己所見的。鄰近的城因這樣的消息陷入混亂,全隊的執刑吏都聚集起來。他們中間,那負責看管被定罪者的人衝到當中,把污穢的灰髮撒上塵土弄得更醜陋,說道:「公民們哪,你們所要的是我的頭;你們把我當作她的替身!你們若有憐憫、有仁慈、若願意救這被定罪的婦人,那麼我這無辜的人,斷不該滅亡。
1:12
\' quo fletu uulgi concussus est animus maestusque se per omnes torpor insinuat et mirum in modum uoluntate mutata, cum pietatis fuisset, quod ante defenderant, pietatis uisum est genus, ut paterentur occidi. Nouus igitur ensis, nouus percussor adponitur. stat uictima Christo tantum fauente munita. semel percussa concutitur, iterum repetita quassatur, tertio uulnerata prosternitur eto diuinae potentiae sublimanda maiestas! — quae prius fuerat quarto percussa nec laesa, ideo paululum uisa est mori. ne pro ea periret innoxius. Clerici, quibus id officii erat, cruentum linteo cadauer obuolnunt et fossam humum lapidibus construentes ex more tumulum parant.
' By this weeping the mind of the crowd was shaken, and a sorrowful numbness creeps through them all, and, their will marvelously changed—whereas before they had defended her out of pity—it now seemed a kind of pity to let her be slain. A new sword, therefore, a new striker is brought up. The victim stands, fortified only by the favor of Christ. Struck once, she is shaken; assailed a second time, she is battered; wounded a third time, she is laid prostrate; and—O the majesty of divine power to be exalted!—she who before had been struck a fourth time yet unharmed, seemed for that reason to die a little while, that an innocent man might not perish for her sake. The clergy, whose office it was, wrap the bloody corpse in linen and, building up the dug earth with stones, prepare a mound according to custom.
這一番哭泣震動了群眾的心,憂傷的麻木爬遍眾人,他們的心意奇妙地改變了——先前他們出於憐憫護衛她,如今任憑她被殺竟也顯為一種憐憫。於是又抬來一把新劍、一個新的行刑者。那犧牲者站著,惟獨靠基督的恩眷得堅固。被擊一次,她搖晃;再被擊,她被撞擊;第三次受傷,她仆倒;而——哦,那當被高舉的神能的威嚴!——她先前被擊第四次仍未受傷,這時卻彷彿為此稍微死去片刻,好叫無辜的人不至於為她的緣故滅亡。那些負此職責的教士用細麻布裹起這血污的屍身,用石頭壘起掘開的泥土,照慣例預備了墳塚。
1:13
festinato sol cursu occasum petit et misericordiam domini celatura nox aduenit. subito teminae palpitat pectus et oculis quaerentibus lucem corpus animatur ad uitam: iam spirat, iam uidet, iam subleuatur et loquitur, iam in illam potest uocem erumpere: dominus auxiliator meus, non timebo, quid faciat mihi homo. Anus interim quaedam, quae ecclesiae sustentabatur opibus, debitum caelo spiritum reddidit et quasi de industria ordine currente rerum uicarium tumulo corpus operitur. dubia adhuc luce in lictore zabulus occurrit, quaerit cadauer occisae, xsepulchrum sibi monstrari petit; uiuere putat, quam mori potuisse miratur.
In hasty course the sun seeks its setting, and night comes on, about to conceal the mercy of the Lord. Suddenly the woman's breast throbs, and with her eyes seeking the light the body is quickened to life: now she breathes, now she sees, now she is raised up and speaks, now she can break forth into that utterance: The Lord is my helper, I will not fear what man may do to me. Meanwhile a certain old woman, who was sustained by the resources of the church, rendered up her spirit, due to heaven; and, as though on purpose in the running course of events, a substitute body is buried in the tomb. While the light was still doubtful, the devil in the guise of a lictor comes up, seeks the corpse of the slain woman, asks to be shown the sepulcher; he supposes her to live, whom he marvels could have died.
太陽匆匆奔向日落,那將要遮掩主之憐憫的黑夜臨到了。忽然那婦人的胸膛跳動起來,她的眼目尋找光亮,身體便甦醒過來得了生命:如今她呼吸,如今她看見,如今她被扶起說話,如今她能發出那話語:「主是幫助我的,我必不懼怕,人能把我怎麼樣呢。」其間有一個靠教會財物供養的老婦人,把當歸於天的靈魂交了出去;彷彿在事情運行的次序中特意安排一般,一具替代的屍身被葬入墳墓。天光尚且朦朧時,那假扮執刑吏的魔鬼前來,尋找那被殺婦人的屍首,求人指給他看那墳墓;他以為她還活著,卻詫異她怎能死去。
1:14
recens a clericis caespes ostenditur et dudum superiecta humus cum his uocibus ingeritur flagitanti: \'erue scilicet ossa iam condita, infer nouum sepulchro bellum et, si hoc parum est, auibus ferisque lanianda membra discerpe; septies percussa debet aliquid morte plus perpeti.\' Tali inuidia carnifice confuso clam domi mulier focilatur et, ne forte creber ad ecclesiam medici commeatus suspicionis panderet uiam, cum quibusdam uirginibus ad secretiorem nillulam secto crine transmittitur. ibi paulatim uirili habitu ueste mutata in cicatricem uulnus obducitur. eto uere ius summum summa malitia! — post tanta miracula adhuc saeuiunt leges. En quo me gestorum ordo protraxit!
The fresh turf is shown by the clergy, and the earth lately heaped over is thrown at him with these words as he demands: 'Dig up, forsooth, the bones already buried, wage a new war upon the sepulcher, and, if that is too little, tear the limbs apart to be mangled by birds and beasts; struck seven times, she must suffer something more than death.' The executioner being confounded by such reproach, the woman is secretly revived at home; and, lest perchance the frequent coming and going of the physician to the church should open a path to suspicion, she is sent off, her hair cut, with certain virgins to a more secluded little farm. There, gradually changing her garb into a man's dress, the wound closes into a scar. And—O truly, the extreme right is the extreme injury!—after such great miracles the laws still rage. Behold whither the order of events has drawn me!
教士們指出那新鋪的草皮,並把方才堆上的泥土向那索討的人擲去,說道:「你儘管掘出那已埋葬的骸骨吧,向墳墓再發起新的戰爭,若這還嫌不夠,就把肢體撕碎,任飛鳥走獸撕咬吧;她既被擊七次,就當受比死更多的苦。」刑吏被這樣的斥責弄得狼狽,那婦人便暗中在家中得以復元;又為免醫生頻繁往教會來去為疑心開路,她便剪了頭髮,與幾位童貞女一同被送往一處更隱密的小農莊。在那裡,她漸漸把衣裝換成男子的服飾,傷口癒合成疤。而——哦,真的,極端的法理竟成了極端的傷害!——經過這樣大的神蹟,律法仍然逞凶。看哪,事情的次序竟把我引到何處了!
1:15
iam enim ad Euagrii nostri nomen aduenimus. cuius ego pro Christo laborem si arbitrer a me dici posse, non sapiam, si penitus tacere uelim, i loce in gaudium erumpente non possim. quis enim tialeat digno canere praeconio Auxentium Mediolanii incubantem huius excubiis sepultum paene ante quam mortuum, Romanum episcopum iam paene factionis laqueis inretitum et uicisse aduersarios et non nocuisse superatis? ,Verum haec ipse equidem spatiis exclusus iniquis praetereo atque aliis post (me) memoranda relinquo. praesentis tantum rei fine contentus sum: imperatorem industria adit, precibus fatigat, merito lenit, sollicitudine promeretur, ut redditam uitae redderet libertati. II.
For now we have come to the name of our own Evagrius. If I should think that his labor for Christ's sake could be told by me, I would be unwise; if I should wish to keep entirely silent, I could not, with my voice breaking forth into joy. For who could worthily celebrate with fitting proclamation that Auxentius, brooding over Milan, was buried by this man's vigilance almost before he was dead; that the Roman bishop, already almost ensnared in the toils of a faction, both conquered his adversaries and did no harm to the vanquished? But these things indeed I myself, shut out by narrow limits, pass over, and leave to be recorded by others after me. I am content only with the end of the present matter: he approaches the emperor by his diligence, wearies him with entreaties, mollifies him by the merit of the cause, wins him over by his solicitude, that he might restore to liberty her who had been restored to life. II.
因為如今我們已來到我們自己的伊瓦格利烏斯的名字了。他為基督緣故的勞苦,我若以為能由我述說,就是不智;我若願意全然緘默,卻又不能,因我的聲音要迸發為喜樂。誰能以配得的頌詞相稱地讚揚:那盤踞米蘭的奧克森提烏斯,幾乎在未死之前就被此人的警醒所埋葬;那羅馬主教已幾乎陷入黨派的羅網,卻既勝過仇敵、又未傷害被勝過的人呢?但這些事我因受狹窄的限制所隔絕,就略過不談,留給我以後的人記述。我只以眼前之事的結局為滿足:他憑勤勉去見皇帝,用懇求使他疲乏,藉案情的正當使他息怒,用殷勤贏得他的心,使那已被還生命的婦人也被還以自由。二、
1:16
AD THEODOSIUM ET CETEROS ANACHORETAS INTRIN- SECUS COMaORANTES . Quam, quam uellem nunc uestro interesse conuentui et. admirandum consortium, licet isti oculi non mereantur aspicere, tota cum exultatione conplecti! spectarem desertum, omni amoeniorem ciuitatem, uiderem desolata ab accolis loca quasi ad quoddam paradisi instar sanctorum coetibus obsideri. uerum ++ quia hoc mea fecere delicta, ne consortio beatorum insereretur obsessum omni crimine caput, idcirco obsecro, quia uos impetrare posse non ambigo, ut me ex istius saeculi tenebris uestro liberetis oratu. et ante dixeram praesens et nunc per litteras uotum indicare non cesso, quod mens mea omni ad id studium cupiditate rapiatur;
TO THEODOSIUS AND THE OTHER ANCHORITES DWELLING WITHIN. How, how I would wish now to share in your assembly and to embrace with all exultation that admirable fellowship, though these eyes do not deserve to behold it! I would gaze upon the desert, more pleasant than any city; I would see the places forsaken by their inhabitants beset, as it were after the likeness of a certain paradise, by companies of saints. But because my sins have brought this about, that my head, besieged by every crime, should not be inserted into the fellowship of the blessed—for this reason I beseech you, since I do not doubt that you are able to obtain it, that you set me free by your prayer from the darkness of this world. Both before, when present, I had said it, and now through letters I do not cease to declare my vow, that my mind is snatched with all eager desire to this end;
致提阿多西及其餘住在內室的隱修者。我何等、何等願意如今得以參與你們的聚會,以滿心的歡躍擁抱那可敬佩的團契,雖然這雙眼不配觀看它!我願凝望那比任何城邑都更宜人的曠野;我願看那被居民離棄之地,彷彿照著某種樂園的樣式,被眾聖徒的團體所環繞。但因我的罪過使得如此,就是我這被各樣罪愆圍攻的頭,不得被納入蒙福者的團契——因此我懇求你們,既然我不疑你們能求得,願你們藉你們的禱告,使我從這世代的黑暗中得釋放。從前我在場時曾這樣說過,如今藉書信也不住地宣告我的心願,就是我的心以全然渴慕的熱望被奪向這目標;
1:17
nunc uestrum est, ut uoluntatem sequatur effectus. meum est, ut uelim; obsecrationum uestrarum est, ut et uelim et possim. ego ita sum quasi a cuncto grege morbida aberrans ouis. quod nisi me bonus pastor ad sua stabula umeris inpositum reportarit, lababunt gressus et in ipso conamine uestigia concident adsurgentis. ego sum ille prodigus filius, qui omni, quam mihi pater crediderat, portione profusa necdum me ad genitoris genua submisi necdum coepi prioris a me luxuriae blandimenta depellere.
now it is yours that the effect may follow the will. It is mine to be willing; it belongs to your entreaties that I may both will and be able. I am as it were a sick sheep straying from the whole flock. Unless the good Shepherd carry me back to His own folds, laid upon His shoulders, my steps will falter, and in the very effort the footsteps of one rising up will collapse. I am that prodigal son who, having squandered all the portion which my father had entrusted to me, have not yet cast myself down at my begetter's knees, have not yet begun to drive from myself the allurements of my former riotous living.
如今在乎你們,使那果效隨著心意而來。願意,是在乎我;使我既願意又能夠,則在乎你們的懇求。我彷彿是一隻從全群走失、患病的羊。那良善的牧人若不將我扛在肩上帶回祂自己的羊圈,我的腳步必踉蹌,正在奮力之際,起身者的足跡也要塌倒。我就是那浪子,把父親所託付給我的全份都揮霍淨盡了,卻還未俯伏在生我者的膝前,還未開始從自己身上驅除從前放蕩生活的誘惑。
1:18
et quia paUlUlUm non tam desiui a uitiis, quam coepi uelle desinere, nunc me nouis diabolus retibus ligat, nunc noua inpedimenta proponens maria undique circumdat et undique pontum, nunc in medio constitutus elemento nec regredi uolo nec progredi j possum. superest, ut oratu uestro sancti spiritus aura me prauehat et ad portum optati litoris prosequatur... III. AD RUFINUM. Plus deum tribuere, quam rogatur, et ea saepe concedere, quae nec oculus uidit nec auris audiuit nec in cor hominis ascenderunt, licet ex sacrorum magisterio uoluminum ante cognouerim, tamen in causa propria nune probaui, Rufine carissime.
And because I have but a little ceased from my vices — or rather have only begun to wish to cease — now the devil binds me with new snares, now, setting fresh obstacles before me, he girds me about on every side with seas and on every side with the deep; and now, set in the midst of the element, I neither wish to turn back nor am able to go forward. It remains that by your prayer the breath of the Holy Spirit may bear me onward and escort me to the harbour of the shore I long for. III. TO RUFINUS. That God bestows more than He is asked, and often grants those things which eye has not seen nor ear heard nor have entered into the heart of man — though I had learned this before from the teaching of the sacred volumes, yet in my own case I have now proved it, my dearest Rufinus.
因為我不過稍稍脫離了惡習——或者說我不過剛開始願意脫離——如今魔鬼便以新的羅網束縛我,如今又在我面前設下新的障礙,四面以海環繞我、四面以深淵圍困我;如今我立在這元素之中,既不願回頭,也無力前行。所餘的,惟有藉你們的祈禱,願聖靈的氣息推送我前進,護送我到達我所渴慕之岸的港口。三、致魯非努。天主所賜遠超過人所求,且常常賞下那眼睛未曾見過、耳朵未曾聽過、人心也未曾想到的事——這道理我先前雖已從聖卷的教導中認識,然而如今在我自身的境遇裡,我親身證實了,我最親愛的魯非努。
1:19
ego enim, qui audacia satis u.ota credebam, si uicissitudine litterarum imaginem nobis praesentiae mentiremur, audio te Aegypti secreta penetrare monachorum inuisere choros et caelestem in terris circuire familiam. o si mihi nunc dominus Iesus Christus uel Philippi ad eunuchum uel Ambacum ad Danihelum translationem repente concederet, quam ego nunc arte tua stringerem colla conplexibus, quam illud os, quod mecum uel errauit aliquando uel sapuit, inpressis figerem labiis! uerum quia non mereor et inualidum etiam cum sanum est corpusculum crebri fregere morbi, has mei uicarias et tibi obuias mitto, quae te copula amoris innexum ad me usque perducant.
For I, who with sufficient boldness believed my prayers fulfilled if by an exchange of letters we might counterfeit for ourselves the likeness of presence, now hear that you are penetrating the hidden places of Egypt, visiting the choirs of monks, and going about the heavenly household upon earth. Oh, if the Lord Jesus Christ would now suddenly grant me the sort of translation that carried Philip to the eunuch or Habakkuk to Daniel, how closely would I now clasp your neck in embraces, how would I press upon that mouth — which once with me either erred or was wise — my lips fixed fast! But because I am not worthy, and frequent illnesses have broken this frail little body even when it is sound, I send you these substitutes of myself to meet you, that they may lead you, bound in the bond of love, all the way to me.
我從前竟大膽地以為,只要藉書信往來替我們摹擬出相見的形象,我的心願便已滿足;如今卻聽說你正深入埃及的隱密之處,探訪修士的班列,遍歷這地上的天國家眷。啊,倘若主耶穌基督此刻忽然賜給我像那把腓利送到太監那裡、把哈巴谷送到但以理那裡那樣的挪移,我此刻必要何等緊緊地以擁抱環住你的頸項,何等要用我緊貼的雙唇印上那口——那曾與我一同或迷誤、或明智的口!但因我不配,而且屢次的疾病即使在這弱小身軀健康時也已把它折磨得殘破,我便差這些代替我自己、迎向你的書信前去,願它們以愛的繫帶把你纏住,一路引領到我這裡。
1:20
Prima inopinati gaudii ab Heliodoro nuntiata felicitas. non credebam certum, quod certum esse cupiebam, praesertim cum et ille ab alio audisse se diceret et rei nouitas fidem sermonis auferret. rursum suspensam uoto nutantemque mentem quidam Alexandrinus monachus, qui ad Aegyptios confessores et uoluntate iam martyres pio plebis fuerat transmissus obsequio, manifestus ad credulitatem nuntii auctor inpulerat. fateor et in hoc meam labasse sententiam. nam cum et patriam tuam ignoraret et nomen, in eo plus tantum uidebatur adferre, quod eadem adserebat, quae iam alius indicauerat. tandem plenum ueritatis pondus erupit;
The first happiness, an unlooked-for joy, was announced to me by Heliodorus. I did not believe as certain what I longed to be certain, especially since he too said that he had heard it from another, and the novelty of the matter took away credit from the report. Again a certain Alexandrian monk — who had been sent by the devout service of the people to the Egyptian confessors, men already martyrs in will — as a manifest author of the news pressed my mind, still hanging in suspense upon my wish and wavering, toward belief. I confess that in this too my judgement faltered. For since he was ignorant both of your homeland and your name, he seemed to bring no more than this — that he was asserting the same things which another had already indicated. At last the full weight of the truth broke forth.
最初那出人意料的喜訊,是希利多祿向我報知的幸福。我不敢確信我所渴望確信之事,尤其因為他自己也說是從別人那裡聽來的,而事情的新奇更奪去了這消息的可信。後來又有一位亞歷山大的修士——他曾被眾民虔誠的差遣,派往那些在意願上已是殉道者的埃及認信者那裡——他作為這消息的明確見證者,把我那仍懸掛在願望上、搖擺不定的心,推向了相信。我承認在這件事上我的判斷也曾動搖。因為他既不知道你的家鄉,也不知道你的名字,他似乎所帶來的無非是:他所肯定的正是別人已經指出的那些事。最後,真相的全部分量終於迸發出來。
1:21
Rufinum enim Ni\'triae esse et ad beatum perrexisse Macarium crebra conmeantium multitudo referebat. hic uero tota credulitatis frena laxaui et tunc uere aegrotum esse me dolui. et nisi me adtenuatae corporis uires quadam conpede praepedissent, nec mediae feruor aestatis nec nauigantibus semper incertum mare pia festinatione gradienti ualnisset obsistere. credas mihi uelim, frater, non sic tempestate iactatus portum nauta prospectat, non sic sitientia imbres arua desiderant, non sic curuo adsidens litori anxia filium mater expectat.
For a frequent throng of travellers reported that Rufinus was at Nitria and had gone on to the blessed Macarius. Here indeed I loosed the whole rein of my belief, and then truly did I grieve that I was sick. And had not the wasted strength of my body held me back as with a fetter, neither the heat of midsummer nor the sea, ever uncertain to those who sail it, could have withstood one advancing in pious haste. Believe me, I pray you, brother: not so does the sailor tossed by storm gaze toward the harbour, not so do the thirsty fields desire the rains, not so does the anxious mother, sitting upon the curving shore, await her son.
因為絡繹不絕的旅人群眾報告說,魯非努已在尼特里亞,並已前往那有福的瑪加流那裡。這時我才完全放開了相信的韁繩,也就在那時,我才真正為自己患病而悲傷。倘若不是我衰弱的體力像腳鐐一般把我羈絆住,那盛夏的酷熱、那對航行者永遠變幻莫測的海洋,都無法攔阻一個虔誠急切前行的人。弟兄啊,求你相信我:被風暴顛簸的水手望向港口,也不及於此殷切;乾渴的田地盼望雨水,也不及於此殷切;焦慮的母親坐在彎曲的岸邊等候她的兒子,也不及於此殷切。
1:22
Postquam me a tuo latere subitus turbo conuoluit, postquam glutino caritatis haerentem inpia distraxit auulsio, tunc mihi caeruleus supracaput adstitit imbertunc maria undique et undique caelum.tandeminincertoperegrinationis erranti, cum me Thracia, Pontus atque Bithynia totumque Galatiae uel Cappadociae iter et feruido Cilicum terra fregisset aestu, Syria mihi uelut fidissimus naufrago portus occurrit. ubi ego quicquid morborum esse poterat expertus e duobus oculis unum perdidi; Innocentium enim, partem animae meae, repentinus febrium ardor abstraxit. nunc uno et toto mihi lumine Euagrio nostro fruor, cui ego semper infirmus quidam ad laborem cumulus accessi.
After a sudden whirlwind swept me from your side, after an impious wrenching tore me away while I clung fast with the glue of love, then the dark cloud stood above my head, then seas were on every side and on every side the sky. At last, while I wandered uncertain in my pilgrimage, when Thrace, Pontus, and Bithynia, and the whole journey through Galatia and Cappadocia, and the land of the Cilicians with its burning heat had broken me, Syria met me like a most faithful harbour to a shipwrecked man. There, having experienced every kind of sickness there could be, of my two eyes I lost one; for a sudden burning of fevers snatched away Innocentius, part of my own soul. Now I enjoy Evagrius, our one and whole light to me, upon whom I, ever infirm, have come as a certain burden added to his toil.
自從一陣突來的旋風把我從你身邊捲走,自從一場不虔的撕扯把緊貼於愛之膠的我扯開,那時烏雲便臨到我頭頂,那時四面是海、四面是天。最後,正當我在旅途中茫然漂泊之時,色雷斯、本都、庇推尼,加上整個經過加拉太與加帕多家的行程,以及基利家那被烈日灼烤的土地都已把我折磨殆盡,敘利亞卻像最忠實的港口迎接我這遭難之人。在那裡,我嘗盡了一切可能的疾病,我兩隻眼睛中失去了一隻;因為一場突發的高燒奪去了殷諾森修——我自己靈魂的一部分。如今我享有厄瓦格里烏,這對我如同獨一且完全的光;我這常年病弱之人,向他不過是加在他勞苦上的一個負擔。
1:23
erat nobiscum et Hylas sanctae Melaniae famulus, qui puritate morum maculam seruitutis abluerat; et hic necdum obductam rescidit cicatricem. uerum quia de dormientibus contristari apostoli uoce prohibemur et nimia uis maeroris laeto superueniente nuntio temperata est, indicamus tibi, ut, si nescis, discas, si ante cognouisti, pariter gaudeamus. Bonosus tuus, immo meus et, ut uerius dicam, noster, scalam praesagatam Iacob somniante iam scandit: portat crucem suam nec de crastino cogitat nec post tergum respicit. seminat in lacrimis, ut in gaudio metat, et sacramento Moysi serpentem in heremo suspendit. cedant huic ueritati tam Graeco quam Romano stilo mendaciis ficta miracula.
There was also with us Hylas, the servant of holy Melania, who by purity of morals had washed away the stain of servitude; and he too tore open a scar not yet closed. But because we are forbidden by the voice of the Apostle to grieve for those who sleep, and the excessive violence of sorrow has been tempered by the arrival of joyful news, we make known to you — that, if you do not know it, you may learn, and if you knew it before, that we may rejoice together. Your Bonosus — nay, mine, and, to speak more truly, ours — is already climbing the ladder foreshown to Jacob in his dream: he bears his cross and takes no thought for the morrow and looks not back behind him. He sows in tears that he may reap in joy, and, in the mystery of Moses, he lifts up the serpent in the wilderness. Let the miracles feigned by lies, whether in Greek or Roman style, yield to this truth.
與我們同在的還有希拉斯,是聖梅拉尼亞的僕人,他以品行的純潔洗去了為奴的污點;他也撕開了那尚未癒合的傷疤。但因使徒的話禁止我們為睡了的人憂傷,而過度劇烈的悲痛已被喜訊的來臨所緩和,我們便告知你——好叫你若不知道便得知道,你若先前已知道,我們便一同歡喜。你的博諾索——不,是我的,說得更真確些,是我們的——他如今已在攀登那雅各夢中所預示的天梯:他背起自己的十字架,不為明天憂慮,也不回頭觀望。他流淚撒種,為要歡呼收割,並照摩西的奧祕,在曠野舉起銅蛇。願那些無論以希臘或羅馬筆調捏造的謊言奇蹟,都在這真理面前退讓。
1:24
ecce puer honestis saeculo nobiscum artibus institutus, cui opes adfatim, dignitas adprime inter aequales, contempta matre; sororibus et carissimo sibi germano insulam pelago circumsonante nauifragam, cui asperae cautes et nuda saxa et solitudo terrori est, quasi quidam nouus paradisi colonus insedit. nullus ibi agricolarum, nullus monachorum, ne paruulus quidem quem nosti Onesimus, quo uelut fratre minusculo fruebatur, in tanta uastitate adhaeret lateri comes. solus ibi, immo iam Christo comitante non solus, uidet gloriam dei, quam etiam apostoli nisi in deserto non uiderant. non quidem conspicit turritas urbes, sed in nouae ciuitatis censu dedit nomen suum.
Behold, a youth trained together with us in the honourable arts of the world, one who had wealth in abundance and rank foremost among his peers, has despised his mother, his sisters, and his most beloved brother, and settled upon a shipwrecking island, girt about by the roaring sea, where rough crags and bare rocks and solitude are a terror — like some new colonist of paradise. There is no husbandman there, no monk, not even that little Onesimus whom you know, whom he enjoyed as a younger brother; in so vast a wasteland no companion cleaves to his side. He is alone there — nay, now with Christ accompanying him, not alone — and beholds the glory of God, which even the apostles beheld only in the desert. He does not indeed gaze upon towered cities, but he has given his name into the register of the new City.
看哪,一位與我們一同受過世上高尚學藝陶冶的青年,一個財富充裕、在同輩中地位居首的人,卻鄙棄了他的母親、姊妹和他最鍾愛的弟兄,安居在一座使船隻失事的海島上,四圍是怒吼的海濤,那裡崎嶇的峭壁、光禿的岩石和荒涼令人畏懼——他就像樂園裡某個新來的墾殖者。那裡沒有農夫、沒有修士,甚至連你所認識的那小小的阿尼西母也沒有——他從前享有他如同小弟弟;在如此廣袤的荒野裡,沒有一個同伴依偎在他身旁。他在那裡是孤獨的——不,如今有基督相伴,並不孤獨——他觀看天主的榮耀,就是連使徒也惟有在曠野才得見的榮耀。他固然看不見高塔林立的城市,卻已把自己的名字登記在那新城的冊上。
1:25
horrent sacco membra deformi, sed sic melius obuiam Christo rapietur in nubibus. nulla euriporum amoenitate perfruitur, sed de latere domini aquam uitae bibit. propone tibi ante oculos, amice dulcissime, et in praesentiam rei totus animo ac mente conuertere; tunc poteris laudare uictoriam, cum laborem proeliantis agnoueris. totam circa insulam fremit insanum mare et sinuosis montibus inlisum scopulis aequor reclamat; nullo terra gramine uiret; nullis uernans campus densatur umbraculis; abruptae rupes quasi quondam horroris carcerem claudunt.
His limbs shudder in a hideous sackcloth, but so shall he be the better caught up to meet Christ in the clouds. He enjoys no pleasant flowing waters, but drinks the water of life from the Lord's side. Set before your eyes, sweetest friend, and turn wholly with soul and mind into the presence of the thing; then will you be able to praise the victory, when you have recognized the toil of the one who fights. Round about the whole island the mad sea roars, and the deep, dashing against the winding heights, cries back from the crags; the land grows green with no grass; the field, decked with no spring foliage, is thickened with no shady coverts; the sheer cliffs enclose him as though in the prison of some former dread.
他的肢體在醜陋的麻衣裡戰慄,但這樣他反倒更好地被提到雲裡與基督相會。他享受不到任何怡人的流水,卻從主的肋旁暢飲生命的水。至甜的朋友啊,把這景象擺在你眼前,全心全意投入那事的實境;如此,當你認清了那奮戰者的勞苦,你才能稱讚他的勝利。環繞整座海島,狂海怒吼,深淵撞擊那蜿蜒的高峰,從峭壁間回響咆哮;地上不見青草發綠;田野沒有春日的枝葉裝飾,也沒有蔭涼的樹叢遮蔽;陡峭的巖石把他圍住,彷彿關在某座昔日恐怖的牢獄裡。
1:26
ille securus, intrepidus et totus de apostolo armatus nunc deum audit, cum diuina relegit, nunc cum deo loquitur, cum dominum rogat, et fortasse ad exemplum Iohannis aliquid uidet, dum in insula commoratur. Quas nunc diabolum nectere credis tricas, quas parare arbitraris insidias? forsitan antiquae fraudis memor famem suadere temptabit. sed iam illi responsum est non in solo pane uiuere hominem. opes forsitan gloriamque proponet, sed dicetur illi: qui cupiunt diuites fieri, incidunt in muscipulam et temptationes, et: mihi gloriatio omnis in Christo est. fessa ieiuniis membra morbo grauante concutiet, sed apostoli repercutietur eloquio:
He, secure, undaunted, and wholly armed by the Apostle, now hears God when he re-reads the divine writings, now speaks with God when he prays to the Lord; and perhaps, after the example of John, he sees something while he tarries on the island. What snares do you now think the devil is weaving, what ambushes do you suppose he is preparing? Perhaps, mindful of his ancient fraud, he will try to urge hunger. But he has already been answered that man lives not by bread alone. Perhaps he will set forth riches and glory, but it will be said to him: those who desire to become rich fall into a trap and temptations; and: all my glorying is in Christ. He will shake the limbs wearied by fasting with the burden of disease, but he will be beaten back by the Apostle's word:
他安穩無畏,全然以使徒的軍裝披掛:如今誦讀天主的聖言,便是聆聽天主;如今向主祈禱,便是與天主交談;或許,效法約翰的榜樣,他在海島上盤桓時也看見了某些異象。你如今以為魔鬼正編織怎樣的詭計?你猜想牠正預備怎樣的埋伏?也許牠記起自己古老的詭詐,會試圖以飢餓來引誘。但牠早已得了回答:人活著不是單靠食物。也許牠會擺出財富與榮耀,卻要對牠說:那想要發財的,就陷在網羅和許多試探裡;又說:我一切的誇耀都在基督裡。牠會用疾病的重擔搖撼那因禁食而疲乏的肢體,卻要被使徒的話擊退:
1:27
quando infirmor, tunc fortior sum, et:uirtus in infirmitate perficitur. minabitur mortem, sed audiet: cupio dissolui et esse cum Christo. ignita iacula uibrabit, sed excipientur scuto fidei. et, ne multa, inpugnabit satanas, sed tutabitur Christus. gratias tibi, domine Iesu, quod in die tuo habeo, qui pro me te possit rogare.
when I am weak, then am I stronger; and: strength is made perfect in weakness. He will threaten death, but he will hear: I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ. He will hurl fiery darts, but they will be caught upon the shield of faith. And, in a word, Satan will assail, but Christ will guard. Thanks be to Thee, Lord Jesus, that in Thy day I have one who can pray to Thee on my behalf.
我幾時軟弱,那時反倒剛強;又說:軟弱中顯出完全的能力。牠要以死亡威嚇,卻要聽見:我情願離世與基督同在。牠要投射火箭,卻要被信德的盾牌接住。總而言之,撒但要來攻擊,基督卻要護衛。主耶穌啊,我感謝你,因為在你的日子裡,我有一位能為我向你祈求的人。
1:28
scis ipsetibi enim patent pectora singulorum, qui cordis arcana rimaris, qui tantae bestiae aluo inclusum prophetam in profundo uides —, ut ego et ille a tenera pariter infantia ad florentem usque adoleuerimus aetatem, ut idem nos nutricum sinus, idem amplexus fouerint baiulorum et, cum post Romana studia ad Rheni semibarbaras ripas eodem cibo, pari frueremur hospitio, ut ego primus coeperim uelle te colere. memento, quaeso, istum bellatorem tuum mecum quondam fuisse tironem. habeo promissum maiestatis tuae: qui docuerit et non fecerit, minimus uocabitur in regno caelorum;
Thou Thyself knowest — for to Thee the breasts of each man lie open, who searchest the secrets of the heart, who beholdest the prophet shut in the belly of so great a beast in the deep — how I and he grew up together from tender infancy to flourishing youth; how the same bosoms of nurses, the same embraces of bearers, cherished us; and how, when after our Roman studies we enjoyed by the half-barbarous banks of the Rhine the same food and shared lodging, it was I who first began to wish to reverence Thee. Remember, I pray, that this warrior of Thine was once a raw recruit together with me. I have the promise of Thy Majesty: he who shall teach and not do shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven;
你自己知道——因為在你面前,各人的胸懷都是敞開的,你鑒察人心中的隱祕,你看見那先知被關在如此巨大的獸腹中、沉於深海——你知道我與他如何一同從稚嫩的嬰孩長到興盛的青年,同樣的乳母懷抱、同樣的褓姆擁抱曾撫育我們;並且我們在羅馬求學之後,如何在萊茵河半野蠻的岸邊同食同宿,而首先開始願意敬畏你的正是我。求你記念,你這位戰士曾與我一同是新兵。我有你至尊的應許:那教訓人卻不遵行的,在天國裡要稱為最小的;
1:29
< qui autem fecerit et docuerit, hic magnus uocabitur in regno caelorum.) fruatur ille uirtutis corona et ob cotidiana martyria stolatus agnum sequatur, (mihi) — multae sunt mansiones apud patrem et stella ab stella differt in claritate —, mihi concede, ut inter sanctorum calcanea possim leuare caput; [ut] cum ego uoluerim, ille perfecerit; mihi ignoscas, quia inplere non potui, illi tribuas praemium, quod meretur. Plura fortasse, quam epistulae breuitas patiebatur, longo sermone protraxerim, quod mihi semper accidere consueuit,, quando aliquid de Bonosi nostri laude dicendum est.
but he who shall do and teach, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. Let him enjoy the crown of virtue and, robed for his daily martyrdoms, let him follow the Lamb — to me — (for there are many mansions with the Father, and star differs from star in glory) — to me grant that among the heels of the saints I may be able to lift up my head; that when I have willed, he may have accomplished; forgive me, because I could not fulfil, and bestow upon him the reward which he deserves. I have perhaps drawn out this in a longer discourse than the brevity of a letter allowed — which is wont always to happen to me whenever something must be said in praise of our Bonosus.
惟那遵行又教訓人的,他在天國裡要稱為大。願他享有德行的冠冕,並為他每日的殉道披上聖袍,跟隨羔羊——至於我——(因為在父那裡有許多住處,星與星在榮耀上也有分別)——求你賜我這恩:得在眾聖徒的腳跟之間抬起我的頭;他所成就的,正是我所曾意願的;求你饒恕我,因為我未能成就,卻把他所配得的賞賜賜給他。這番話我或許鋪陳得比書信的簡短所容許的更長——每逢要說些話來稱讚我們的博諾索時,這事總是慣常臨到我。
1:30
sed ut ad id redeam, unde discesseram, obsecro te, ne amicum, qui diu quaeritur, uix inuenitur, difficile seruatur, pariter cum oculis mens amittat. fulgeat quilibet auro et pompaticis ferculis corusca ex sarcinis metalla radient: caritas non potest conparari; dilectio pretium non habet; amicitia, quae desinere potest, uera numquam fuit. IV. AD FLOBENTINUM DE ORTU AMICITIAE. Quantus beatitudinis tuae rumor diuersa populorum ora conpleuerit, hinc poteris aestimare, quod ego te ante incipio amare, quam nosse. ut enim apostolus ait:
But to return to that point from which I had departed: I beseech you, do not let your mind lose, together with your eyes, a friend who is long sought, scarcely found, and hard to keep. Let anyone gleam with gold, and let the metals flash from his burdens, glittering in pompous processions: love cannot be compared to them; affection has no price; a friendship that can come to an end was never true. IV. TO FLORENTINUS, ON THE BIRTH OF FRIENDSHIP. How great a report of your blessedness has filled the various mouths of peoples, you may judge from this: that I begin to love you before I know you. For as the Apostle says:
但要回到我先前離開的話題:我懇求你,不要讓你的心連同你的眼睛,一同失去一位長久尋覓、難得尋見、更難守住的朋友。任憑誰以黃金閃耀,任憑金屬從他的行囊中閃爍、在誇耀的行列中發光:愛卻無法與之相比;情誼沒有價碼;一段能夠終止的友誼,從來就不是真的。四、致弗洛倫提努,論友誼的萌生。你有福的名聲曾何等充滿萬民各樣的口,你可從此推知:我尚未認識你,便已開始愛你。正如使徒所說:
1:31
quorundam hominum peccata manifesta sunt praecedentia ad iudicium, ita e contrario tuae dilectionis fama dispergitur, ut non tantum laudandus sit ille, qui te amat, quam scelus putetur facere ille, qui non amat. praetermitto innumerabiles, in quibus Christum sustentasti, pauisti, uestisti, uisitasti: Heliodori fratris a te adiuta necessitas mutorum etiam potest ora laxare. quibus gratiis, quo ille praeconio peregrinationis incommoda a te fota referebat, ut ego ille tardissimus, quoniam intolerabilis languor, pinnatis, ut aiunt, pedibus charta caritatis et uoto te salutauerim et iam conplexus sim! gratulor itaque tibi et, nascentem amicitiam ut dominus foederare dignetur, precor.
the sins of certain men are manifest, going before them to judgement; so, on the contrary, the fame of your love is scattered abroad, that not only is he to be praised who loves you, but he is thought to commit a crime who does not love you. I pass over the countless in whom you have sustained, fed, clothed, and visited Christ: the need of brother Heliodorus, relieved by you, can loosen even the mouths of the dumb. With what thanks, with what heralding, did he report the discomforts of his pilgrimage cherished by you — so that even I, that slowest of men, since an intolerable languor holds me, have with winged feet, as they say, greeted you by a letter of love and by longing, and already embraced you! Therefore I congratulate you, and I pray that the Lord may deign to seal our nascent friendship.
有些人的罪是明顯的,在他們之先到了審判之地;反之亦然,你愛心的名聲四處傳揚,以致不僅愛你的人當受稱讚,就是那不愛你的人,也被視為犯罪。那無數你在他們身上供養、餵飽、給穿、探望了基督的人,我且略過不提:你所賙濟的弟兄希利多祿的困乏,甚至能鬆開啞巴的口。他曾以何等的感謝、何等的傳揚,述說他旅途的艱辛如何蒙你撫慰——以致連我這最遲鈍的人,雖被難耐的倦怠所困,也如俗話所說「插翅」般,以一封愛的書信、以渴慕向你問安,並已擁抱了你!所以我為你慶賀,並祈求主俯允,親自締結我們新萌的友誼。
1:32
Et quia frater Rufinus, qui cum sancta Melania ab ; Aegypto Hierosolymam uenisse narratur, indiuidua mihi germanitatis caritate conexus est, quaeso ut epistulam meam huic tuae epistulae copulatam ei reddere non graueris. noli nos ex eius aestimare uirtutibus. in illo conspicies expressa sanctitatis insignia; ego cinis et uilissimi pars luti et iam fauilla, dum uegetor, satis habeo, si splendorem morum eius inbecillitas oculorum meorum ferre sustineat. ille modo lauit, mundus est et tamquam nix dealbatus; ego cunctis peccatorum sordibus inquinatus diebus ac noctibus opperior cum tremore reddere nouissimum quadrantem.
And because brother Rufinus, who is said to have come with holy Melania from Egypt to Jerusalem, is joined to me by the indivisible love of brotherhood, I beg you not to think it a burden to deliver to him my letter, joined to this letter of yours. Do not judge us by his virtues. In him you will behold the marks of holiness expressed; I am ash and a portion of the vilest mud and now embers — so long as I have life, I count it enough if the weakness of my eyes can bear to endure the splendour of his character. He has just now washed, is clean, and whitened as though snow; I, defiled with all the filth of my sins, wait day and night, with trembling, to pay the last farthing.
又因弟兄魯非努——據說他與聖梅拉尼亞一同從埃及來到耶路撒冷——他與我以不可分割的手足之愛相連,我求你不要以為把我這封與你的信合在一起的信轉交給他是一種負擔。不要按他的德行來衡量我們。在他身上,你將看見聖德的印記顯明可見;而我不過是灰塵、是至卑污泥的一團,如今更是餘燼——只要我還活著,我便以此為足:只要我這眼睛的軟弱還能承受他品格的光輝。他方才受了洗,是潔淨的,白如雪一般;而我,被一切罪的污穢玷染,晝夜戰兢地等候償還那最後的一文錢。
1:33
sed tamen quia dominus soluit conpeditos et super humilem et quietum et trementem uerba sua requiescit, forsitan et mihi in sepulchro scelerum iacenti dicat: \'Hieronyme, ueni foras\'. sanctus presbyter Euagrius plurimum te salutat; et Martinianum fratrem iuncto salutamus obsequio, quem ego uidere desiderans catena languoris innector. V. AD FLORENTINUM. In ea mihi parte heremi commoranti, quae iuxta Syriam Sarracenis iungitur, tuae dilectionis scripta sunt perlata, quibus lectis ita reaccensus est animus Hierosolymam proficiscendi, ut paene nocuerit proposito, quod profuerit caritati. nunc igitur, quomodo ualeo, pro me tibi litteras repraesento.
Yet because the Lord looses those who are bound, and rests upon the humble and the quiet and the one who trembles at His words, perhaps to me too, lying in the sepulchre of my crimes, He may say: 'Jerome, come forth.' The holy presbyter Evagrius greets you warmly; and with joined homage we greet brother Martinianus, whom, though I desire to see him, the chain of my sickness fetters me from doing. V. TO FLORENTINUS. While I was dwelling in that part of the desert which, near Syria, joins the Saracens, the writings of your love were brought to me; on reading which my mind was so rekindled to set out for Jerusalem that it almost harmed my resolve because it profited my love. Now therefore, as best I can, I present a letter to you on my behalf.
然而因為主釋放被囚的,又安息在那謙卑、安靜、且因祂話語而戰兢的人身上,或許連我這躺臥在自己罪愆墳墓中的人,祂也會說:「熱羅尼莫,出來吧。」聖長老厄瓦格里烏向你熱切問安;我們也一同致敬,問候弟兄瑪爾提尼亞努——我雖渴望見他,卻被病痛的鎖鏈羈絆,不能如願。五、致弗洛倫提努。我住在那靠近敘利亞、與撒拉森人相接的曠野一隅時,你愛心的書信被送到我這裡;讀了之後,我的心重新被點燃,要動身前往耶路撒冷,以致幾乎損害了我的決意,因為它助長了我的愛。所以如今,我盡我所能,代我自己呈上一封信給你。
1:34
etsi corpore absens, amore et spiritu uenio inpendio exposcens, ne nascentes amicitias, quae Christi glutino cohaeserunt, aut temporis aut locorum magnitudo diuellat. quin potius foederemus eas reciprocis epistulis; illae inter nos currant, illae se obuient, illae nobiscum loquantur. non multum perditura erit caritas, si tali secum sermone fabuletur. Rufinus autem frater, ut scribis, necdum uenit et, si uenerit, non multum proderit desiderio meo, cum eum iam uisurus non sim. ita enim et ille longo a me interuallo separatus est, ut huc non possit currere, et ego arreptae solitudinis terminis arceor, ut coeperit mihi iam non licere, quod nolui.
Though absent in body, in love and spirit I come, earnestly imploring that neither the greatness of time nor of place should tear apart the friendships now being born, which have cohered by the glue of Christ. Rather let us bind them by mutual letters; let them run between us, let them meet one another, let them converse with us. Love will lose not much if it chats with itself in such discourse. But brother Rufinus, as you write, has not yet come; and if he does come, it will profit my desire little, since I shall not now see him. For he is separated from me by so long an interval that he cannot hasten hither, and I am confined within the bounds of the solitude I have seized, so that what once I was unwilling to do is now no longer permitted to me.
我雖身雖不在,卻以愛與心靈前來,殷切懇求:不要讓時間或地域的遙遠,撕裂這如今正在萌生、已因基督之膠而黏合的友誼。倒不如讓我們以彼此的書信把它們繫牢;讓它們在我們之間往來奔馳,讓它們彼此相遇,讓它們與我們交談。愛若能以這樣的言談與自己絮語,便不致失去多少。但弟兄魯非努,如你所寫,尚未前來;即使他來了,對我的渴望也助益不多,因為我如今無法見他了。因為他與我相隔如此遙遠,無法趕到這裡;而我被囚困在我所選定的隱居疆界之內,以致我從前所不願做的事,如今反倒不再為我所許可了。
1:35
ob hoc et ego obsecro et, ut tu petas, plurimum quaeso, ut tibi beati Reticii Augustodunensis episcopi commentarios ad describendum largiatur, in quibus Canticum Canticorum sublimi ore disseruit. scripsit mihi et quidam de patria supra dicti fratris Rufini Paulus senex Tertulliani suum codicem apud eum esse, quem uehementer repoposcit. et ex hoc quaeso, ut eos libros, quos non habere me breuis subditus edocebit, librarii manu in charta scribi iubeas. interpretationein quoque psalmorum Dauiticorum et prolixum ualde de synodis librum sancti Hilarii, quae ei apud Treueris manu mea ipse descripseram, aeque ut mihi transferas peto.
For this reason I too beseech, and I ask most earnestly that you also request, that the commentaries of the blessed Reticius, bishop of Autun, be granted you to copy, in which he expounded the Song of Songs with a sublime mouth. There has also written to me a certain old man, Paulus, from the homeland of the aforesaid brother Rufinus, that his own copy of Tertullian is with him, which he has vehemently asked back. And from this too I ask that those books which a brief note appended below will show me not to have, you would order to be written by a copyist's hand upon paper. The interpretation of the Psalms of David also, and the very lengthy book of holy Hilary on the synods, which I myself had copied out for him at Trier with my own hand, I likewise ask that you transcribe for me.
為此我也懇求,並最殷切地請你也代為請求:把那有福的、奧頓主教雷提修的註釋賜給你抄錄——他在其中以崇高的言辭闡釋了《雅歌》。又有一位老者保祿,來自前述弟兄魯非努的家鄉,寫信告訴我說,他自己那部特土良的抄本在他那裡,他已迫切地索討回來。由此我也請求:那些附在下面的短箋將向我表明我所沒有的書,請你吩咐抄手用紙筆抄寫。又有《大衛詩篇》的釋義,以及聖希拉里論會議的那本極為冗長的書——我曾在特里爾親手為他抄錄——同樣求你也為我謄抄。
1:36
nosti hoc esse Christianae animae pabulum, si in lege domini meditetur die ac nocte. ceteros hospitio recipis, solacio foues, sumptibus iuuas; mihi si rogata praestiteris, multa largitus es. et quoniam tribuente domino multis sacrae bibliothecae codicibus abundamus, impera uicissim: quodcumque uis, mittam. nec putes mihi graue esse, si iubeas: habeo alumnos, qui antiquariae arti seruiant. neque uero beneficium pro eo, quod postulo, polliceor. Heliodorus frater mihi indicauit te multa de scripturis quaerere nec sic inuenire; aut si omnia habes, incipiet sibi caritas uindicare plus petere.
You know this to be the food of the Christian soul, if it meditate in the law of the Lord day and night. Others you receive with hospitality, cherish with comfort, and help with your means; if you grant me the things I ask, you have bestowed much. And since, by the Lord's granting, we abound in many volumes of the sacred library, command in return: whatever you wish, I will send. Nor think it a burden to me if you bid: I have foster-sons who serve the copyist's art. Nor indeed do I promise a favour in exchange for what I request. Brother Heliodorus has indicated to me that you seek many things from the Scriptures and do not so find them; or, if you have them all, love will begin to claim for itself the right to ask more.
你知道這是基督徒靈魂的食糧:晝夜思想主的律法。別人你以款待接納、以安慰體恤、以財物幫助;你若把我所求的賜給我,便是大大施予了。既然靠主的恩賜,我們藏有聖典書庫的許多卷冊,你也儘管反過來吩咐:無論你想要什麼,我都必寄去。你若吩咐,也不要以為這對我是負擔:我有門生善於抄寫之藝。我也並非為我所求之事許下報答。弟兄希利多祿告訴我,你在聖經中查考許多事卻查不著;或者你若全都有了,那愛心便要為自己主張,索求更多的權利。
1:37
Magistrum autem pueri tui, de quo dignatus es rescribere, quem plagiatorem esse eius non dubium est, saepe Euagrius presbyter, dum adhuc Antiochiae essem, me praesente corripuit. cui ille respondit: \'ego nihil timeo\'. dicit se a domino suo fuisse dimissum et, si uobis placet, ecce hic est; transmittite eum, quo unltis . arbitror me non peccare, si hominem uagum non sinam longius fugire. quapropter quia ego in hac solitudine constitutus non possum agere quod iussisti, rogaui carissimum mihi Euagrium, ut tam tui quam mei causa instanter negotium prosequatur. VI. AD IULIANUM DIACONUM AQVILEIAE. Antiquus sermo est: \'mendaces faciunt, ut nec uera dicentibus credatur\';
But as for the tutor of your boy, concerning whom you have deigned to write back, whom there is no doubt to be a kidnapper of him — Evagrius the presbyter, while I was still at Antioch, often rebuked him in my presence. To him he replied: 'I fear nothing.' He says that he was dismissed by his master and, 'if it please you, here he is; send him wherever you wish.' I think I do no wrong if I do not allow a vagrant man to flee farther. Wherefore, because I, set in this solitude, cannot do what you have bidden, I have asked my dearest Evagrius that, both for your sake and mine, he pursue the business urgently. VI. TO THE DEACON JULIAN OF AQUILEIA. There is an ancient saying: 'liars bring it about that credit is not given even to those who speak the truth';
至於你那孩子的家庭教師——你曾屈尊回信提及他,且毫無疑問他是拐帶那孩子的人——長老厄瓦格里烏在我還在安提阿時,曾當著我的面多次責備他。他卻回答說:「我什麼都不怕。」他說自己是被主人打發走的,並說:「你們若願意,看,他在這裡;隨你們把他送到哪裡去。」我想我若不容一個流浪之人逃得更遠,便沒有做錯。因此,我既身處這曠野,無法照你所吩咐的去辦,便請我最親愛的厄瓦格里烏,為你也為我的緣故,急切地把這事辦妥。六、致亞奎萊亞的執事猶利安。有一句古話說:「說謊的人使人連對說真話者也不肯相信」;
1:38
quod mihi ego a te obiurgatus de silentio litterarum accidisse uideo. dicam: \'saepe scripsi, sed neglegentia baiulorum fuit\'? respondebis: \'omnium non scribentium uetus ista excusatio est\'. dicam: \'non repperi qui epistulas ferret\'? dices hinc illuc isse quam plurimos. contendam me etiam his dedisse? at illi, quia non reddiderunt, negabunt et erit inter absentes incerta cognitio. quid igitur faciam? sine culpa ueniam postulabo rectius arbitrans pacem loco motus petere, quam aequo gradu certamina concitare; quamquam ita me iugis tam corporis aegrotatio quam animae aegritudo consumpsit, ut morte inminente nec mei paene memor fuerim.
which I see has happened in my case, when you chided me for my silence in writing. Shall I say: 'I often wrote, but it was the negligence of the carriers'? You will reply: 'That is the old excuse of all who do not write.' Shall I say: 'I found no one to carry the letters'? You will say that very many went from here to there. Shall I contend that I even gave letters to these? But they, because they did not deliver them, will deny it, and among the absent the knowledge will be uncertain. What then shall I do? Without fault I shall ask pardon, judging it more right to seek peace after being moved from my place than on equal footing to stir up strife; although a constant sickness both of body and a grief of soul has so consumed me that, with death imminent, I have been scarcely even mindful of myself.
我看這事正臨到了我,因你責備我不寫信而緘默。我要說:「我常常寫,只是傳信人疏忽了」麼?你必回答:「那是一切不寫信之人的老藉口。」我要說:「我找不到人送信」麼?你必說有許多人從這裡往那裡去。我要爭辯說我甚至把信交給了這些人麼?但他們既沒有送達,便會否認,而在雙方不在場之下,真相便無從查明。那麼我該怎麼辦呢?我要無過而求恕,因為我判斷:被逼離本位之後尋求和平,勝過在平等的立場上挑起爭端;何況身體的長久疾病與靈魂的憂傷已如此耗盡了我,以致死亡臨近時,我幾乎連自己也不記得了。
next part →
ch. 2 →
12