'He who seeks the workings of the Holy Spirit before the working of the commandments is like a slave bought with money, who, at the very moment of his purchase, seeks that freedom be written for him along with the price paid.'
These things, then, that young man marvelled at, and marvelling he believed that by attending to his conscience he would find benefit, and by the working of the commandments the energy of the Holy Spirit, and by its grace he would spiritually recover his sight and behold the Lord.
And he did nothing else—as he assured me with oaths—except that he performed each evening the small commandment given to him by that holy elder, and thus lay down to sleep upon his bed.
'By all means make also more prostrations, and add other psalms, and say ''Lord, have mercy'' more, for you are able,' he obeyed it readily and without hesitation, doing all things as though spoken by God Himself.
'Why did you not do this?' Following it, therefore, without omission, and it daily adding more to be said, in a few days the evening office was greatly increased.
For during the day he presided over the household of one of the patricians, and he went forth each day to the palace, attending to matters suited to worldly life, so that on this account what he was doing was known to no man.
Wherefore also tears came down each evening from his eyes, and more frequently he made genuflections to the ground and upon his face, keeping his feet joined together and immovable as he stood; and prayers were recited by him to the Theotokos with labour and with sighs and tears; and as though the Lord were bodily present, he thus fell before His immaculate feet and, like the blind man, begged to be shown mercy and to recover his sight spiritually.
And as the prayer was lengthened each evening, it continued until midnight, while he by no means grew slack in the time of prayer, nor careless, nor did any single member of his body move at all—not even to the turning of an eye or a glance upward—but he stood thus motionless, like some pillar or like one incorporeal.
As he stood, then, on one occasion and was saying, 'O God, be merciful to me the sinner'—speaking it rather with the mind than with the mouth—a divine radiance suddenly appeared richly from on high and filled the whole place.
Nor was there any fear in him of falling, nor any care of the world, nor did any of those things which assail men who also bear a body then assail his reasoning; but wholly present with the immaterial light and seeming himself to have become light, and having forgotten all the world, he became full of tears and unspeakable joy and gladness.
And marvellously there appeared to him, standing near that light, the aforesaid holy and angel-like elder, the one who had furnished him with the commandment and the book.
When, then, I heard these things, I reckoned both that the intercession of this holy man had greatly co-worked with him, and again that God had arranged to show the young man what a height of virtue this holy man possessed.
And when this vision had passed away and the youth had come again to himself, as he said, he was held fast by joy and astonishment, and wept from the heart, and sweetness accompanied his tears.
And a little after, the churches gave the signal for matins, and he himself rose up to chant according to custom, not having taken so much as a thought of sleep during that night.
These things came to pass as God knows, He who also brought them about by judgments known to Himself, while that young man did nothing more than what you have heard, doing it with right faith and unwavering hope.
For he neither said nor conceived this even as far as a mere reasoning; for he who tests and tries has no faith. Rather, casting away every other passionate and pleasure-loving thought, that young man attended, just as he had sworn, to what was uttered by his own conscience, so that toward all the other perceptible affairs of life he was as one without sensation, and did not even take food and drink with pleasure or too frequently.
You have learned that neither does the midst of the city hinder us from fulfilling the commandments of God, if we are diligent and wakeful, nor does stillness or withdrawal from the world profit us, if we are slothful and negligent.
Assuredly we all hear of David and marvel and say that there was one David and no other has come to be like him; yet behold, here too, and something even greater than David.
When David had sinned and was bereft of the grace of the Spirit, deprived of prophecy, and estranged from his accustomed communion with God, if he sought these things again, remembering the grace from which he had fallen, what wonder is there in that?
And to such a degree that he even displayed works befitting his faith, through which his mind, taking wings, reached the heavens, moved the Mother of Christ to compassion, propitiated the Deity by her intercession, gained strength for the grace of the Spirit to reach even to heaven, and was counted worthy to behold that light which all desire yet very few attain.
Or rather, one should say: an angel in the body, held yet not held, seen yet not grasped, a man in what appears and fleshless in what is discerned, seen by all in all things, yet being alone to the God who alone knows all things.
Wherefore, at the setting of the perceptible sun, the sweet light of the noetic luminary succeeds this one for him, confirming beforehand and assuring him that the unceasing light shall likewise succeed it in time to come.
For love of the One he sought carried him out of himself, out of the world, out of nature, and out of all things, and made him wholly of the Spirit and light.
And this, though he dwelt in the midst of the city, managed his household, cared for both servants and free men, and did and transacted all things that befit life in the world.
and where there is the keeping of the commandments, there is the purification of the flesh — of the cloud that lies before the soul and does not permit it to see clearly the divine ray.
And illumination is the fulfillment of longing for those who reach out after the greatest things, or the greatest thing, or that which is beyond greatness.
And that those who wish to be in the midst of tumults, living worthily whether in cenobitic communities or on mountains or in caves, may be saved and counted worthy by God of great goods for their faith in Him alone, so that those who fail through slothfulness may have nothing to say in the day of judgment.
Have mercy, then, on yourselves and on us who love you and who often lament and pour out tears on your behalf — for such the compassionate and merciful God enjoins us to be — and, believing on the Lord with your whole soul, forsake the earth and all things that pass away, and draw near to Him and cleave to Him; for yet a little while and both heaven and earth shall pass away, and apart from Him there is no standing, no limit, no end to the fall of sinners.
Lamentation comes upon me and my heart is consumed and I waste away for our sake, whenever I consider that, having so bountiful and benevolent a Master, who for our faith in Him alone freely gives us such things as surpass mind and hearing and understanding, and which have never even entered into the heart of man, we, like irrational beasts, prefer the earth alone and the things brought forth to us from the earth by His great tenderness of heart for the body's sufficient need — that being moderately nourished by these, our soul too might make its journey upward unhindered, being itself likewise nourished with the noetic food that is from the Spirit, according to the measure of its purification and ascent.
For this is what man is, and for this we were created, and for this we were brought forth: that, having received small benefits here, through thanksgiving and goodwill toward God we might there enjoy the greater and everlasting goods.
But alas, that, taking no thought at all for things to come, we are ungrateful even concerning the very things in our hands, and we become equal to demons — or even worse, if the truth must be told.
And for this reason we deserve the greater punishment, inasmuch as we have been the more benefited and know that God for our sake became as we are, sin alone excepted, that He might deliver us from error and set us free from sin.
Do you not see, brethren, how we are liable to be found faithless in the day of judgment, and shall undergo a worse chastisement than those who never even knew the Lord?
For if that man, who was engaged in the midst of life and never once gave a thought to renunciation, or to voluntary poverty, or to obedience, was so greatly shown mercy, having believed from his soul and called upon God, how much greater goods ought those to hope to attain who leave behind all the things of this life and all men together, and give up their very own souls to death for God's sake, even as God Himself commanded?
For indeed he who has begun to practice good things with unwavering faith and whole-souled resolve, and to perceive the benefit that arises from them, will himself of his own accord come to know that the care of the world and one's manner of life in it are a great hindrance to those who have chosen to live according to God.
For the aforesaid account concerning this young man is marvelous and paradoxical, and we have never even heard whether such a thing has come to pass in any other.
And if such a thing has come to pass in some, or shall come to pass, let them know that, unless they withdraw promptly from the world, they will fall away from such a good; since this too I have learned exactly from that young man.
For I met him later, when he had become a monk, spending his third or even fourth year in the monastic life and being in the thirty-second year of his body's age.
That after that marvelous transformation and the more-than-human help that had come upon me, not many days had passed, he said, when continual temptations of life fell upon me, by which I saw myself hindered from my hidden works and little by little falling short of the good; and I yearned to be outside the whole world and to seek in solitude Him who had appeared to me — for on this account I am persuaded, brother, that He was pleased to appear to me at all, namely that He might draw me, the unworthy one, to Himself and separate me from the whole world.
But since I had not the strength to do this promptly, little by little forgetting all the aforementioned things, I came into utter darkness, so that I no longer remembered any of them, small or great, even to the point of a bare thought, from the things I have spoken of.
And I fell into even more and greater evils than those that had befallen me before, and was so disposed as though I had never once thought of, or heard, the holy words of Christ.
But even that holy man who had then had mercy on me, and had given me the small commandment, and had sent me the aforesaid book, I regarded as one of any ordinary men, and no longer received even a bare thought concerning the things that had been shown to me through him.
These things, he said, I tell you, that you may learn exactly into what a pit of destruction I, the wretched one, was brought down through slothfulness, and that you may marvel at God and be astounded at the unspeakable goodness that came upon me even after these things.
For indeed — I know not how to say it — in some unknown way the love and faith toward the holy elder remained in my wretched heart; and on account of it, as I suppose, after the passing of so many years, God the lover of mankind, having mercy on me through that elder's prayers, once more through him snatched me out of my great error and the abyss of evils, and delivered me.
For I, the unworthy one, did not depart from him entirely, but even confessed the things that were happening, and when I chanced to be in the city, I would go off to his cell rather frequently, though I, the unconscionable one, did not keep his commandments.
But now, as you see, the compassionate Lord, overlooking the many multitudes of my sins, has arranged through that very holy elder for me to become a monk, and has counted me — one who is in truth unworthy — worthy to be with him continually.
And as I journeyed with an unrestrained and unrelenting course in deeds, I was again counted worthy to see, though somewhat dimly, a small and slight ray of that most sweet and divine light; yet such a vision as I then beheld I have not until now been counted worthy to behold.
1:2088
Ταῦταοὖνδακρύωνἐλάλειμοικαίτούτωνἕτεραπλείονα
他就這樣流著淚向我述說這些事，並且還有比這些更多的事。
These things, then, he spoke to me with tears, and many others besides these.
But I, the wretched one, having listened to his holy words and having conjectured that he was wholly full of divine grace and truly wise — even if he had no word of the wisdom that is from without — and not only this, but that he had also acquired an exact knowledge of the very facts from practical experience, entreated him to tell me how faith is by nature able to work such marvels, and to set these things forth for me in writing by way of teaching.
And he both began to speak and did not shrink from writing down what was spoken — things which, that we may not prolong the discourse, we have set out elsewhere as a table of gladness for those who with faith embark upon what has been written.
Therefore I beseech you, brethren in Christ, let us too run laboriously the course of the commandments of Christ, and our faces shall not be put to shame.
But just as to everyone who knocks persistently He opens the gates of His kingdom, and gives to him who asks an upright and all-holy Spirit, and it is impossible that he who seeks with his whole soul should not find and grow rich with the wealth of His gracious gifts, so also you shall delight in His ineffable goods, which He has prepared for those who love Him — now in part and with the wisdom that is superior, but in the age to come wholly, together with all the saints from of old, in Christ Jesus our Lord, to whom be the glory unto the ages of ages.
What man, stricken in his heart with a drug and suffering and cut to pieces by fierce pain within, would take thought or concern himself about small wounds on the skin of his body?
For the hidden pain in his heart will cover over every pain or itching that occurs on the skin of his body, and by reason of the anguish of his heart he is not permitted to look about and see the things upon his body; but by the unbearable pain and grief of his heart he forgets the wounds that are on his body, and will tear his garments with his hands and scratch open the wounds of his body with the nails of his hands.
He will not go up onto the couch of his bed, but will lie rolling and writhing upon the ground, crying aloud and lamenting, taking no thought at all of those who see him behaving so shamefully, nor of those who hear his cry and revile him.
That man will count every human being blessed as an angel—both those now living and those who have passed away and those who have not yet come to know the world; and he will bless every beast and every creeping thing that crawls upon the earth and everything that has the breath of life, saying:
'How blessed are all the things made by God, which pass their days without toil in the joy of their soul and life; but I alone am weighed down by a burden of sins, and am judged by the fire of judgment, and I alone suffer anguish upon the earth!'
This man alone is separated from all creation under heaven, and sits upon a dunghill of untold sins, and is encompassed by a darkness of ignorance and grief that has no end.
He will scrape away the discharge of his wounds not with a potsherd as Job did, but with the nails of his own hands, because of the violence of the pain of his heart;
for Job, though smitten in his flesh, had his soul sheltered by God, but this man had his soul together with his body poisoned by sins; and for this reason the anguish of that man is worse tenfold than the plague of Job.
for having accompanied him a little while and wept together over his inconsolable affliction, and having beheld the uncomforted state of his soul, they will regard him as an abomination and each will withdraw to his own place; and being left alone and beholding the desolation and destitution and affliction and anguish that surround him, he will weep in the anguish of his soul and will cry out in despair to the Lord Almighty:
'Behold, You see, O Lord, and there is nothing that You do not behold; I am the work of Your hands, yet I have not done the works of Your commandments, but have pursued every wickedness in my folly.
For I have done nothing on earth worth even one idle word of my mouth; for even if a man should perform all righteousness, he would do it as a servant and as a debtor, and would find nothing to give in exchange for his sin, for mercy is with You; for sin is death, and who is he that dies through it and rises again of himself?
For I am entirely one wound, and nowhere is there left to me any occasion of salvation, because I have been left alone, and Hades has swallowed me up alive.
And You, O Lord, see; You alone are able to raise me up and to heal the pain of my heart, for Your hand is mighty over all things, reaching even to the depths of the abysses, working all things by Your nod.
1:2127
ΕἰπεῖνἘλέησόνμεοὐτολμῶ, ἀνάξιοςγάρεἰμι·
我不敢說『求你憐憫我』，因為我是不配的。」
I dare not say, "Have mercy on me," for I am unworthy;'
for He cannot bear to behold the work of His own hands in such straits and unbearable anguish, and He will deal with that man—the one who has done all the foregoing things without omission—and with those who in faith hear and are about to imitate this true image and account of repentance, which practice first fulfilled and which the word then committed to writing, according to His great and unutterable mercy; and He will pour out His goodness upon him, and will change his pain into joy, and will transform the bitterness of his heart into sweet new wine, and will cause the devouring venom of the dragon within his inward parts to be vomited out;
and from then on he will no longer remember his former pains, nor all those evils which he endured, nor will he turn back to seek the money or possessions or wealth which he left behind at the time of the blow of his repentance, nor will he desire anything else.
For the Most High God will give him health, which will be above all the treasures of the earth; and this health will produce an unspeakable joy in his heart, and the joy in his heart will be tenfold above his former affliction; and this joy again will drive away every pain arising outwardly in his body, and that man will come to know that the wounds of his body no longer even reach his heart, and outward affliction will not touch the joy that is in his heart; and this knowledge will be an increase of the joy that is in his heart.
And those near him, who formerly beheld his outward afflictions but were ignorant of the hidden joy that had afterward come to be in him, will groan over him and say:
'See a man who has known no gladness in his life, and whose life is full of affliction and anguish, and whose days differ in nothing from those who are scourged and punished for their sins;'
but that man alone, knowing that his lifetime is full of gladness and exultation, and that the joy of his heart mocks death and Hades does not have dominion over it, because it knows no end, that man rejoices in these things ten thousand times more than all the kings who rule over the earth, and more than all upon whom is the health and beauty of body, and more than all upon whom is wealth and the purple robe and the fine linen, and more than all who are called blessed upon the earth by mouths that do not speak rightly.
For that man knows that poverty with such joy is better than all the world and the things in it, since all the things pertaining to his body and to all his life the heaven will cover, and Hades will devour, and death will hold dominion over them; but the joy which has been won for his soul out of that health cannot be held fast by any of these things, because it is not of this world.
For neither did this joy come to him from glory, nor from great wealth, nor from the health of his body, nor from the praise of men, nor from any other thing under heaven, but it was fashioned out of the pain and bitterness of his soul and out of an encounter with the Spirit of God, who is above the heavens.
And therefore death will not have dominion over it, because no blemish will be found in it, but it will be like filtered wine held up against the sun, shining forth and growing brighter and showing its color to be purer, gladdening and flashing above upon the face of him who drinks it over against the sun.
For I do not know which gladdens me more—the sight and delight of the purity of the sun's rays, or rather the drinking and taste of the wine that is in my mouth.
For whenever I think I have been satisfied with drinking, then the beauty of the rays sent forth makes me exceedingly thirsty, and again I find myself famished;
By this good judgment, therefore, everyone who is judged will not fear any other punishment or torment, nor will he dread the temptations that come upon him.
For his thirst will not cease unto the age, and his sweet and brightly gleaming drink will not fail, and the sweetness from the draught and the joy-giving radiance issuing from the sun drive away all sorrow from his soul and make that man ever rejoice; and no one who would harm him will prevail against him, nor will there be one to hinder him from being filled to the full from the fountain of the cup.
For he who holds sway over the wickedness of the earth, the ruler of darkness, who reigns over all the water of the sea and mocks the world as one who holds a little sparrow in his hand, together with all his host and power, will not approach the heel of his foot, nor will he dare to look upon him with boldness.