Letters (CSEL) 1 part 52/85

Sprung, therefore, from such stock, she was joined in marriage to Toxotius, who draws the most exalted blood of Aeneas and of the Julii — whence also her daughter, a virgin of Christ, is called Eustochium Julia, and he himself Julius, 'a name sent down from great Iulus.' And we say these things not because they are great in the eyes of those who possess them, but because they are wonderful in those who despise them. The men of the world look up to those who abound in these privileges; we praise those who have despised such things for the Savior's sake. And, in a marvelous way, those whom we esteem lightly for possessing such things, we proclaim if they have chosen not to possess them. Born, I say, of such ancestors, and approved in fruitfulness and chastity first by her husband, then by her kinsfolk and by the testimony of the whole city, when

she had brought forth five children — Blesilla, over whose death I consoled her at Rome; Paulina, who left the holy and admirable man Pammachius the heir both of her purpose and of her possessions, to whom we addressed a little book concerning her death; Eustochium, who is now in the holy places the most precious jewel of virginity and of the Church; Rufina, who by an untimely death dismayed the pious heart of her mother; and Toxotius, after whom she ceased to bear, so that you might understand that she had not wished to serve the marital office for long, but had obeyed the desire of her husband, who longed for male children — after her husband died, she so mourned him that she almost died herself, and so turned to the service of the Lord that she seemed to have wished for his death.

Why, then, should I recount how nearly all the riches of a great and noble house, once most opulent, were disbursed among the poor? Why her most merciful spirit toward all, and her goodness ranging even toward those whom she had never seen? What pauper, when dying, was not wrapped in her garments? What bedridden person was not sustained by her means? These she sought out most diligently throughout the whole city, and counted it a loss to herself if any feeble and hungry person were sustained by another's food. She stripped her own children, and, amid the reproaches of her kinsfolk, declared that she was leaving them a greater inheritance — the mercy of Christ. Nor could she long endure the visitations and throng befitting a family lofty in the eyes of the world and most noble.

She grieved at her own honor and hastened to decline and flee the mouths of those who praised her. And when imperial letters had drawn the bishops of the East and of the West to Rome on account of certain dissensions among the churches, she saw admirable men and pontiffs of Christ: Paulinus, bishop of the city of Antioch, and Epiphanius, bishop of Salamis in Cyprus, which is now called Constantia — of whom she had Epiphanius even as a guest, while Paulinus, lodging in another's house, she possessed as it were her own by her hospitality. Kindled by their virtues, she thought at every moment of forsaking her homeland.

Mindful of no house, no children, no household, no possessions, of nothing that pertains to the world — alone, if it may be said, and unaccompanied — she yearned to make her way to the desert of the Antonies and the Pauls. And at last, when winter was over and the sea open, as the bishops were returning to their churches, she herself sailed with them, moved by vow and by longing. Why do I delay further? She went down to the harbor, her brother, her kinsfolk, her relations, and — what is greater than these — her children following after her.

Already the sails were being spread, and by the pull of the oars the ship was being drawn out into the deep; little Toxotius stretched out his suppliant hands on the shore; Rufina, now marriageable, silently besought her with weeping to await her wedding; and yet Paula kept her eyes dry, lifting them to heaven, overcoming her love for her children by love for God. She did not know herself as a mother, that she might prove herself the handmaid of Christ. Her inward parts were tormented, and, as though she were being torn from her own limbs, she struggled with grief — in this more admirable than all, that she conquered a great love. Amid the hands of enemies and the hard necessity of captivity, nothing is more cruel than for parents to be separated from their children;

this, against the laws of nature, her full faith endured — nay, her rejoicing spirit sought it, and, despising the love of her children by a greater love toward God, she found rest in Eustochium alone, who was the companion both of her purpose and of her voyage. Meanwhile the ship plowed the sea, and while all who sailed with her looked back toward the shores, she alone kept her eyes turned away, that she might not see those whom she could not see without torment. I confess it: no one loved her children as she did, to whom, before she set out, she had bestowed everything, disinheriting herself on earth that she might find an inheritance in heaven.

Carried to the island of Pontia, which the exile of Flavia Domitilla, once of the most illustrious memory among women, had ennobled under the emperor Domitian for her confession of the Christian name, and seeing the little cells in which that woman had passed a long martyrdom, she took wings, as it were, in her desire to see Jerusalem and the holy places. The winds were slow for her, every speed sluggish. Trusting herself between Scylla and Charybdis to the Adriatic sea, she came as if across a still pool to Methone, and there, having refreshed her little body a while and laid her limbs, wasting with the salt spray, upon the shore, she passed by Malea and Cythera and the Cyclades scattered over the deep, and by the frequent...

straits stirred up by the lands, after Rhodes and Lycia, at last she saw Cyprus, where, having flung herself at the knees of the holy and venerable Epiphanius, she was detained by him for ten days, not for refreshment, as he supposed, but for the work of God, as was proved by the outcome. For, going about all the monasteries of that region, she left, so far as she could, refreshment of expenses for the brothers whom the love of the holy man had drawn thither from all the world. Thence in a brief passage she crossed over to Seleucia, from which, going up to Antioch and detained a little while by the love of the holy confessor Paulinus, this noble woman — who before had been carried by the hands of eunuchs — in the midst of winter, glowing with the ardor of faith, set out seated on a little ass. I pass over her journey through Coele-Syria and

the journey through Phoenicia — for I did not undertake to write her itinerary — I will name only those places that are contained in the sacred volumes. Leaving behind Berytus, a Roman colony, and the ancient city of Sidon, she entered on the shore of Sarepta the little tower of Elijah, in which, having adored the Lord and Savior, she passed on through the sands of Tyre, on which Paul had fixed his knees, and came to Accho, which is now called Ptolemais, and through the plains of Megiddo, conscious of the slaying of Josiah, she entered the land of the Philistines.

Having marveled at the ruins of Dor, once a most powerful city, and, by a reversal, at Caesarea — the Tower of Strato, so named by Herod, king of Judea, in honor of Caesar Augustus — in which she saw the house of Cornelius turned into a church of Christ, and the little dwellings of Philip, and the chamber of the four virgin prophetesses; then Antipatris, a half-ruined little town which Herod had named after his father; and Lydda, changed into Diospolis, renowned for the resurrection and healing of Dorcas and Aeneas; not far from it Arimathea, the hamlet of Joseph, who buried the Lord; and Nob, once a city of priests, now the tombs of the slain; Joppa too, the harbor of the fleeing Jonah, and — that I may touch upon something from the fables of the poets — a spectator of Andromeda bound to the rock; and, retracing her journey, Nicopolis, which was formerly called Emmaus, near which the Lord, made known in the breaking of bread, dedicated the house of Cleopas into a church.

And setting out thence she went up to Beth-horon the Lower and the Upper, cities founded by Solomon and afterward destroyed by various tempests of wars; looking to the right at Aijalon and Gibeon, where Joshua the son of Nun, fighting against five kings, commanded the sun and the moon, and, because of the fraud and treachery of the treaty they had obtained, condemned the Gibeonites to be drawers of water and hewers of wood; in Gibeah, a city razed to the ground, she paused a little, recalling its sin, and the concubine cut into pieces, and the tribe of Benjamin, of whom twice three hundred men were reserved for the sake of the apostle Paul. Why do I long delay? Leaving on the left the mausoleum of Helena, who as queen of the Adiabeni had aided the people with grain in famine, she entered Jerusalem, the city of three names:

Jebus, Salem, Jerusalem, which was afterward raised up by Aelius Hadrian from the ruins and ashes of the city into Aelia. And although the proconsul of Palestine, who knew her family exceedingly well, had sent officers ahead and ordered a palace to be prepared, she chose a humble little cell, and went round all the places with such ardor and zeal that, unless she were hastening to the rest, she could not have been drawn away from the first; and, prostrate before the cross, she worshipped as though she beheld the Lord hanging there. Entering the sepulcher of the resurrection, she kissed the stone which the angel had rolled away from the door of the tomb, and the very place of the body, where the Lord had lain, as one thirsting she licked with faithful mouth the longed-for waters.

What tears she shed there, what groans of grief she poured out, all Jerusalem is witness, the Lord himself is witness, whom she entreated. Going out thence she ascended Sion, which is rendered 'citadel' or 'watchtower.' This city David once stormed and built up. Of its being stormed it is written: 'Woe to you, city of Ariel' — that is, 'the lion of God,' and once most mighty — 'which David stormed'; of that which was built up: 'Its foundations are in the holy mountains; the Lord loves the gates of Sion above all the tabernacles of Jacob' — not those gates which we today behold dissolved into embers and ashes, but the gates against which hell does not prevail, through which the multitude of those who believe in Christ enters.

There was shown there the column of the church that supports the portico, stained with the Lord's blood, to which He is said to have been bound and scourged. The place was pointed out where the Holy Spirit descended upon the hundred and twenty souls, that the prophecy of Joel might be fulfilled. Then, having distributed money to the poor and to her fellow-servants according to her slender means, she went on to Bethlehem, and on the right side of the road she halted at the tomb of Rachel, in which she bore Benjamin — not Benoni, that is 'son of my sorrow,' as his dying mother had named him, but, as his father prophesied in the spirit, 'son of the right hand.'

And thence, entering the cave of the Saviour, after she beheld the sacred lodging-place of the Virgin and the stable in which 'the ox knew his owner and the ass his master's crib,' that this might be fulfilled which is written in the same prophet, 'Blessed is he who sows beside the waters, where the ox and the ass tread' — in my hearing she swore that she saw with the eyes of faith the infant wrapped in swaddling-clothes, wailing in the manger, God whom the Magi worshipped, the star shining above, the Virgin Mother, the diligent foster-father, the shepherds coming by night to see the Word that had been made, and even then consecrating the opening of John the evangelist:

'In the beginning was the Word' and 'the Word was made flesh'; the little ones slain, Herod raging, Joseph and Mary fleeing into Egypt. And with joy mingled with tears she spoke: 'Hail, Bethlehem, house of bread, in which was born that Bread which came down from heaven. Hail, Ephrata, most fruitful region and fruit-bearing (καρποφόρος), whose fertility is God. Concerning thee Micah once prophesied: And thou, Bethlehem, house of Ephrata, art thou not the least among the thousands of Judah? Out of thee shall come forth unto me one who shall be prince in Israel, and his going forth is from the beginning, from the days of eternity. Therefore shall he give them up until the time of her that travails: she shall bring forth, and the remnant of his brethren shall be turned to the children of Israel.'

For in thee was born the prince who was begotten before the Day-star, whose birth from the Father exceeds all ages. And so long did the origin of David's line remain in thee, until the Virgin should bear, and the remnant of the people believing in Christ should be turned to the children of Israel and freely proclaim: 'To you it was necessary that the word of God should first be spoken; but since you reject it and judge yourselves unworthy of eternal life, we turn to the Gentiles.' For the Lord had said: 'I am not come except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.' And at that time the words of Jacob concerning him were fulfilled: 'The prince shall not fail from Judah, nor a leader from his loins, until he come for whom it is laid up, and he shall be the expectation of the nations.' Well did David swear, well did he make his vows, saying:

'If I enter into the tabernacle of my house, if I go up into the bed of my couch, if I give sleep to my eyes and slumber to my eyelids and rest to my temples, until I find a place for the Lord, a tabernacle for the God of Jacob.' And at once he set forth what he desired, and with prophetic eyes he saw as about to come the One whom we now believe to have come: 'Behold, we heard of him in Ephrata, we found him in the fields of the wood.' For the Hebrew word 'zoth,' as I learned from your teaching, signifies not Mary the mother of the Lord — that is, αὐτήν (her) — but 'himself,' that is, αὐτόν (him). Wherefore he speaks confidently: 'We will go into his tabernacles; we will worship in the place where his feet have stood.'

'And I, wretched and a sinner, have I been judged worthy to kiss the manger in which the Lord as a little child wailed, to pray in the cave in which the Virgin in childbirth brought forth God as an infant? This is my rest, for it is the fatherland of my Lord; here will I dwell, for the Saviour has chosen it. I have prepared a lamp for my Christ. My soul shall live to him, and my seed shall serve him.' Not far from there she went down to the tower of Ader, that is 'of the flock,' beside which Jacob fed his flocks, and the shepherds keeping watch by night were counted worthy to hear: 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men of good will.'

And while they keep the sheep, they found the Lamb of God with pure and most spotless fleece, which in the drought of the whole earth was drenched with heavenly dew, and whose blood took away the sins of the world and drove the destroyer of Egypt from the doorposts. And at once, with quickened pace, she began to travel along the old road that leads to Gaza, that is, to 'the power or riches of God,' and silently to ponder within herself how the Ethiopian eunuch, prefiguring the peoples of the Gentiles, changed his skin, and, while re-reading the Old Testament, found the fountain of the Gospel. And thence she crosses to the right. From Bethsur she came to Eshcol, which is rendered 'a cluster of grapes.' Whence, in testimony of the most fertile land and as a type of Him who says:

'I have trodden the winepress alone, and of the nations there was no man with me' — the spies carried a cluster of grapes of wondrous size. And after no long while she entered the little cells of Sarah, seeing the cradle of Isaac and the traces of Abraham's oak, under which he saw the day of Christ and rejoiced. And rising thence she went up to Hebron, which is Kiriath-arba, that is 'the town of four men' — Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and the great Adam, whom the Hebrews maintain to be buried there according to the book of Joshua, though many think Caleb to be the fourth, whose memorial is shown at the side. She would not go on to Kiriath-sepher, that is 'the bond of letters,' because, despising the letter that kills, she had found the Spirit that gives life.

And she marvelled the more at the upper and lower waters, which Othniel, son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite, had received in place of a southern and arid possession, and by whose channels he made the dry fields of the former covenant well-watered, that in the waters of baptism they might find the redemption of the old sins. On the next day, the sun already risen, she stood on the brow of Caphar-barucha, that is 'the village of blessing,' to which place Abraham accompanied the Lord. Whence, looking down on the wide wilderness and the land once of Sodom and Gomorrah, of Adama and Zeboim, she contemplated the balsam-vineyards of Engedi and Zoar, 'the three-year-old heifer,' which formerly was called Bala and in the Syriac tongue was rendered Zoara, that is 'the little one.'

She recalled the cave of Lot, and, dissolved in tears, she warned her virgin companions that wine must be shunned, in which is riotous excess and whose offspring are the Moabites and Ammonites. Long do I linger in the south, where the bride found the bridegroom lying down and Joseph was made drunk with his brothers. I will return to Jerusalem and, through Tekoa and Amos, will behold the cross gleaming red on the Mount of Olives, from which the Saviour ascended to the Father, upon which every year a red heifer was burnt as a holocaust to the Lord, and whose ashes purified the people of Israel, upon which, according to Ezekiel, the cherubim, migrating from the temple, founded the church of the Lord.

Entering the tomb of Lazarus, of Mary and Martha, she saw the lodging-place, and Bethphage, 'the village of the priestly jawbones,' and the place in which the frisking colt, [signifying] the Gentiles, received the Lord's bridle and, saddled with the garments of the apostles, offered its soft back for sitting.

And by a straight route she went down to Jericho, thinking of that man in the Gospel who was wounded, and of the priests and Levites who passed by in hardness of heart, and of the mercy of the Samaritan, that is 'the guardian,' who set the half-dead man upon his own beast and carried him to the inn of the church; and of the place Adommim, which is interpreted 'of bloods,' because much blood was shed there in the frequent assaults of robbers; and of the mulberry tree of Zacchaeus, that is, the good works of penitence, by which he trod down his sins, once bloody and hurtful through rapine, and beheld the exalted Lord from the height of the virtues; and of the places beside the road of the blind men, who, receiving their sight, foreshadowed the sacraments of both peoples believing in the Lord.

Entering Jericho she saw the city which Hiel founded upon Abiram his firstborn, and whose gates he set upon Segub, the last of his sons. She gazed on the camp of Gilgal and the heap of foreskins and the mystery of the second circumcision and the twelve stones, which, carried thither from the bed of the Jordan, had established the foundations of the twelve apostles; and the fountain, once of the law, most bitter and barren, which the true Elisha seasoned with his wisdom and turned into sweetness and abundance. Scarcely had the night passed when, in most fervent heat, she came to the Jordan;

She stood on the bank of the river and, when the sun had risen, recalled the Sun of Righteousness — how in the midst of the river's bed the priests set their dry footprints, and how, at the command of Elijah and Elisha, with the waters standing on either side, the wave provided a passage; and how the Lord cleansed with his baptism the waters that had been polluted by the flood and stained by the destruction of the whole human race.

It would be long, were I to wish to speak of the valley of Achor, that is 'of tumult and of crowds,' in which theft and avarice were condemned; and of Bethel, 'the house of God,' in which upon the bare ground, naked and poor, Jacob slept, and, placing a stone beneath his head — which in Zechariah is described as having seven eyes and in Isaiah is called the corner-stone — he saw a ladder reaching up to heaven, upon which the Lord leaned from above, stretching out his hand to those who ascend and casting down the negligent from on high.

The tombs also, in Mount Ephraim, of Joshua son of Nun and of Eleazar son of Aaron the priest, she venerated from the opposite side — of whom the one is buried in Thamnathsara on the northern side of Mount Gaash, the other in Gibeah of his son Phinehas — and she marvelled greatly that the distributor of possessions had chosen for himself the mountainous and rugged places. Why should I tell of Shiloh, in which a ruined altar is shown even to this day, and where the tribe of Benjamin anticipated the rape of the Sabine women by Romulus?

She passed through Shechem — not, as many read in error, Sychar — which is now called Neapolis; and, built on the side of Mount Gerizim around the well of Jacob, she entered the church, over which the Lord, sitting and thirsting and hungering, was satisfied by the faith of the Samaritan woman, who, having set aside the five men of the books of Moses and the sixth, whom she boasted she had — the error of Dositheus being raised up — found the true Messiah and the true Saviour. And turning aside thence, she saw the tombs of the twelve patriarchs and Sebaste, that is Samaria, which in honour of Augustus was named by Herod, in the Greek tongue, Augusta. There are buried Elisha and Obadiah the prophets, and — than whom there was none greater among those born of women — John the Baptist. There she trembled at many wonders.

For she saw demons roaring in various torments, and before the tombs of the saints men howling with the voices of wolves, barking like dogs, roaring like lions, hissing like serpents, bellowing like bulls; others whirling their heads and touching the ground behind their backs with the crown of their heads; and women hung up by the foot whose garments did not fall down over their faces. She had pity on all, and for each one, with tears poured forth, she besought the mercy of Christ. And, weak as she was, she went up the mountain on foot, in whose two caves the prophet Obadiah, in the time of persecution and famine, fed a hundred prophets with bread and water.

With a swift journey she ran through Nazareth, the nurse of the Lord, and Cana and Capernaum, familiar with his signs, and the lake of Tiberias, sanctified by the Lord's sailing upon it, and the wilderness in which many thousands of the people were satisfied with a few loaves, and from the leavings of those who ate twelve baskets of the twelve tribes of Israel were filled. She climbed Mount Tabor, on which the Lord was transfigured. She looked afar upon the mountains Hermon and the Hermons and the vast plains of Galilee, in which Sisera and all his army were laid low, Barak conquering. The torrent Kishon divided the middle of the plain, and the town beside Nain, in which the widow's son was raised, was pointed out.

The day would fail me sooner than my discourse, if I should wish to run through all that the venerable Paula traversed with incredible faith. I will pass through Egypt and, at Succoth and beside the fountain of Samson, which he brought forth from the molar tooth of a jawbone, I will pause a little while and bathe my parched lips, that, refreshed, I may see Morasthi, once the tomb of Micah the prophet, now a church.

And on the side I will leave behind the Horites and Gittites, Mareshah, Idumaea and Lachish, and, through the softest sands, which draw away the footprints of those who go, and through the wide desolation of the desert, I will come to the river of Egypt, Shihor, which is interpreted 'the turbid,' and I will pass by the five cities of Egypt which speak the language of Canaan, and the land of Goshen and the fields of Tanis, in which God wrought wonders, and the city of No, which was afterwards turned into Alexandria, and the Lord's town of Nitria, in which, with the purest nitre of the virtues, the filth of very many is washed away daily.

When she had seen this, with the holy and venerable man, the bishop Isidore the confessor, coming to meet her, and innumerable throngs of monks, of whom many the priestly and Levitical rank exalted, she rejoiced indeed at the glory of the Lord, but confessed herself unworthy of so great an honour. Why should I tell of the Macarii, the Arsetes, the Sarapions, and the rest of the names of the pillars of Christ? Whose cell did she not enter? At whose feet did she not fall down? In each of the saints she believed she saw Christ, and whatever she bestowed upon them she rejoiced to have bestowed upon the Lord. Wondrous ardour, and a fortitude scarcely credible in a woman!

Forgetful of her sex and of bodily frailty, she desired to dwell among so many thousands of monks with her maidens. And perhaps, all being willing to receive her, she would have obtained it, had not a greater longing for the holy places drawn her back. And because of the most fervent heat, coming by ship from Pelusium to Maiuma, she returned with such speed that you would have thought her a bird. And not long after, being about to remain forever in holy Bethlehem, she stayed for three years in a narrow lodging, until she should build cells and monasteries and establish a hostel for pilgrims beside the road, because Mary and Joseph had found no lodging. Thus far let her journey be described, which she traversed in the company of many virgins and of her daughter.

Now let her virtue be described more amply, which is her own and in the setting-forth of which — God being judge and witness — I profess that I add nothing, that I exalt nothing to a greater degree after the manner of flatterers, but rather, lest it exceed the credibility of the facts, that I detract much, and this lest, among detractors who ever gnaw me with their native tooth, I be thought to invent and to adorn Aesop's crow with borrowed colours. That which is the first virtue of Christians, she cast herself down with such great humility that whoever had seen her and had longed to see her because of the fame of her name would not believe that it was she, but the last of her handmaids. And when she was surrounded by frequent choirs of virgins, in dress and voice and bearing and gait she was the least of all.

Never, after her husband's death, up to the day of her falling asleep, did she eat with any man, although she knew him to be holy and set in the pontifical height; she never entered the baths except when in danger [of illness]. Even in a most grievous fever she had no soft coverings for her couch, but rested upon the hardest ground with little haircloths spread out — if indeed that is to be called rest which she joined day and night with almost unceasing prayers, fulfilling that saying from the Psalter: 'I will wash my bed every night, I will water my couch with my tears.' In her you would have believed there were fountains of tears; so did she bewail light sins that you would have believed her guilty of the gravest crimes. And when she was frequently admonished by us to spare her eyes and keep them for the reading of the Gospel, she would say:

'The face must be disfigured which, against God's command, I so often painted with rouge and white lead and antimony; the body must be afflicted which was free for many pleasures; long laughter must be recompensed with perpetual weeping; the soft linens and most precious silks must be exchanged for the roughness of haircloth. I who pleased my husband and the world, now desire to please Christ.' If, among such and so great virtues, I should wish to proclaim her chastity, I would seem superfluous; in which, even while she was still in the world, she was the example of all the matrons of Rome, and she bore herself in such a way that never did rumour, even of the slanderous, dare to fabricate anything about her. Nothing was more merciful than her mind, nothing more gracious toward the humble.

She did not court the powerful, yet neither did she despise them with a proud disdain that seeks a little glory. If she saw a poor man, she supported him; if a rich man, she exhorted him to do good. Her liberality alone exceeded measure, and, paying out interest, she also often borrowed, that she might deny alms to none of those who asked her. I confess my error: because she was too lavish in giving, I would reproach her, bringing forth that saying of the apostle: 'Not that others should have refreshment and you tribulation, but by equality in this present time, that your abundance may supply their want, and that their abundance also may supply your want'; and this from the Gospel of the Saviour: