Homilies on Ephesians 20

'Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord; for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ also is the head of the Church, and He is Himself...'

But just as the Church is subject to the Lord, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

A certain wise man, having set down many things in the order of beatitudes, set this one also among the beatitudes.

'And a wife,' he says, 'in harmony with her husband.'

And again elsewhere he sets it among the beatitudes—that a wife should dwell together with her husband in concord.

And from the beginning God is seen to have shown much forethought for this union.

And speaking of both as of one, He said thus:

'Male and female He made them.'

And again, 'There is neither male nor female.'

For there is not so great a closeness of one man to another man as there is of a wife to her husband, if one be joined together as he ought.

For this reason also a certain blessed man, declaring his surpassing love and mourning one of his friends and kindred souls, called him neither father, nor mother, nor child, nor brother, nor friend, but what? 'Your love,' he says, 'fell upon me, as the love of women.'

For truly, truly this love is more tyrannical than every tyranny.

For the other loves are vehement.

But this desire has both the vehemence and the unfading quality.

For there is a certain love lurking in our nature, which unbeknownst to us knits together these bodies.

For this reason also, from the beginning the woman was from the man, and after this both man and woman are from man and woman.

Do you see the bond and the interweaving, and how He did not allow another substance to enter in from outside? And see how many things He arranged.

He allowed him to marry his own sister—nay rather, not his sister, but his daughter—nay rather, not his daughter, but something more than a daughter: his own flesh.

And the whole He fashioned from above, as in the case of stones, gathering them into one.

For neither did He form her from outside, lest she should be regarded as something foreign.

Nor again did He stop the marriage-tie at her alone, lest by contracting and gathering himself in, he should be separated from the rest.

And just as in the case of plants those are best which, even when having a single stem, extend into many branches—whereas if all merely revolve around the root, it is to no purpose;

and even if it has many roots, the tree is no longer a marvel;

so indeed here too, from one man, Adam, He caused the whole race to be planted, establishing it under great necessity not to be torn apart and separated.

And drawing them together the more, He no longer allowed sisters and daughters to be married, lest we should again contract our love into one, and be otherwise separated from one another.

'He who made them at the beginning made them male and female.'

For from this both great evils are born and great goods, to households and to cities.

For nothing so knits together our life as the love of man and woman.

For this many take up arms; for this they even betray their own souls.

For Paul would not simply, nor at random, have made much diligence concerning this matter, saying:

'Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.'

Why so? Because if these are in concord, the children too are well brought up, and the household servants are orderly, and neighbors and friends and kinsfolk enjoy the good fragrance.

But if the opposite, everything is overturned and thrown into confusion.

And just as when generals are at peace with one another, all things are in due order, but when they in turn are in tumult, everything goes topsy-turvy;

therefore, 'Wives,' he says, 'submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.'

'Unless one renounce both wife and husband, he cannot follow Me?' For if one ought to submit as to the Lord, how does He say to depart for the Lord's sake? And indeed one ought to do so very much.

But the word 'as' is not everywhere altogether one of equal honor.

'As knowing that you serve the Lord.'

Which he also says elsewhere: that even if not for the husband's sake, yet primarily for the Lord's sake.

Or: 'When you yield to your husband, consider that you obey as one serving the Lord.'

For if he who resists these outward, civil authorities has withstood the ordinance of God, much more she who does not submit herself to her husband.

'Thus from the beginning God willed it,' he says,

that the man should be set in the rank of head, and the woman in the rank of body.

Then, showing it also from reasonings, 'That the man is the head of the woman,' he says, 'even as Christ also is of the Church, and He is Himself the Savior of the body.'

'But as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything.'

Then, having said, 'The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ also is of the Church, and He is Himself the Savior,' he adds, 'of the body.'

For indeed the head is the salvation of the body.

He has already laid down beforehand for the husband and the wife the foundation of love and forethought, assigning to each the fitting place: to the one the ruling and provident, to the other the submissive.

As therefore the Church is subject to Christ—that is, both men and women—

so also let the wives submit themselves to their husbands as to God.

'Husbands, love your own wives, even as Christ also loved the Church.'

You have heard of the exceeding measure of the submission;

you praised and marveled at Paul, as one who knits together our life, as some wonderful and spiritual man.

But hear also the things which he requires of you.

For again he has used the same example.

'Husbands,' he says, 'love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church.'

Do you see the measure of obedience? Hear now also the measure of love.

Do you wish your wife to obey you, as the Church obeys Christ? Then take thought for her yourself, as Christ does for the Church.

And even if it be needful for you to give your very life for her, even if you must be cut to pieces ten thousand times, even if you must endure and suffer anything whatsoever, do not refuse it.

And even if you suffer these things, you have as yet done nothing such as Christ did.

For you do these things having already been united to her; but He did them for one who turned away from Him and hated Him.

Just as He, therefore, with much tender care led back to Himself her who turned away from Him and hated Him and spurned Him and gave herself over to wantonness at His feet — and this not by threats, nor insults, nor fear, nor any other such thing —

so also do you deal with your own wife;

and even if you see her disdainful, even if wanton, even if contemptuous, you will be able to bring her under your feet by your great forethought for her, by love, by friendship.

For there is no bond more constraining than these, and especially between husband and wife.

For a servant one may perhaps bind fast by fear — or rather, not even him;

for he will quickly leap away and be gone.

But her who is the partner of your life, the mother of your children, the foundation of all your joy, you must bind fast not by fear and threats, but by love and affection.

For what kind of union is it, when the wife trembles before her husband? And what pleasure will the husband himself enjoy, dwelling with his wife as with a slave and not as with a free woman? And even if you suffer something for her sake, do not reproach her with it;

for neither did Christ do this.

'And He gave Himself up for her,' he says, 'that having cleansed her He might sanctify her.'

So then she was unclean, so then she had a blemish, so then she was unshapely, so then she was worthless.

Whatever kind of wife you take, you will not take so lowly a bride as the Church was to Christ, nor one so far removed from you as the Church was from Christ;

yet even so He did not abhor her, nor hate her because of the excess of her unsightliness.

Do you wish to hear of her unsightliness? Listen to Paul as he speaks:

Do you see her blackness? What is blacker than darkness? But mark also her boldness:

'Living,' he says, 'in malice and envy.'

And what shall I say? She was even foolish, and blasphemous;

yet even so, though these things were so, He gave Himself up for her who was unsightly, as though for one beautiful, as though for one beloved, as though for one worthy of admiration.

And marveling at this, Paul said:

'For scarcely for a righteous man will one die;'

and again, 'If, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.'

And having taken her such as she was, He adorns her and washes her, and does not refuse even this.

'That He might sanctify her,' he says, 'having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.'

'That He might present the Church to Himself glorious, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.'

By the washing He washes away her uncleanness.

By what washing? In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the [Holy Spirit].

And He did not merely adorn her, but made her glorious, 'not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing.'

Let us therefore also seek after this beauty, and we shall be able to become its craftsmen.

Do not you seek from your wife what is not hers to give.

Do you see that the Church had all things from her Lord?

From Him she became glorious, from Him she became without blemish.

Do not turn away from your wife on account of unsightliness.

Hear the Scripture as it says:

'The bee is little among winged creatures, yet her fruit is the chief of sweet things.'

It is not her whom you insult, but Him who fashioned her.

What can the wife do? Do not praise her for comeliness;

for both such praise, and that hatred, and love of this kind belong to unchaste souls.

Imitate the Bridegroom of the Church.

Outward beauty is full of much arrogance and folly, and casts you into jealousy, and often makes you suspect the matter to be amiss in unseemly ways.

But does it afford pleasure? Only until the first month and the second, or at most for a year; but thereafter no longer, for by familiarity the wonder fades;

the evils, however, that arose because of the beauty remain — the vainglory, the folly, and the contempt.

But in the case of her who is not such, there is none of these;

rather, having fittingly begun, the love abides ardent, since it is of the beauty of the soul, and not of the body.

What is better than heaven, tell me, what is better than the stars? Whatever body you might name, it is not so white;

whatever eyes you might name, they are not so radiant.

When these things came into being, even the angels marveled, and we too now marvel, but not in like manner as at the beginning.

How much more in the case of a woman? And if sickness also comes on, at once the whole of it flies away.

Let us seek good will from a wife, modesty, gentleness;

these are the marks of beauty;

but let us not seek bodily bloom, nor find fault with her about these things over which she has no control; or rather, let us not find fault at all (for that were presumptuous), nor be vexed, nor be displeased.

Do you not see how many, having dwelt with beautiful wives, have ended their lives pitiably? And how many, dwelling with wives not very comely, have driven on to extreme old age with much delight? Let us wipe away the spot that is within, let us pluck out the wrinkles that are within, let us do away with the blemishes that are upon the soul.

Such is the beauty that God seeks after;

let us make her fair for God, not for ourselves.

Let us not seek riches, nor the nobility that is without, but the nobility that is in the soul.

Let no one look to grow rich from a wife;

for such wealth is shameful and reproachful;

nor let anyone seek at all to grow rich from this source.

'For they that will be rich,' he says, 'fall into temptation, and into foolish and hurtful lusts, and into snares and destruction and perdition.'

From a wife, therefore, do not seek abundance of money, and you will find all other things easily.

Who, tell me, leaving the more important things, will busy himself with the lesser? But, alas!

even when we have a son, we are not zealous that he may become good, but that we may get him a rich wife;

not that she be well-mannered, but that she be well-off;

and when we take up a trade, it is not that it may be free from sin, but that it may bring us great gain.

For this reason all things have been corrupted, because that love holds us fast.

So too, he says, husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.

What then is the meaning of this? He has now advanced to a greater image and to a more forceful example;

and not only this, but to one that is nearer, and clearer, and to yet another ground of obligation.

For that former example was not one of great compulsion;

for lest anyone should say, 'That was Christ, and He was God, and He gave Himself up,' he thereupon proceeds by another route, saying:

for the thing is not a matter of favor, but of debt.

Having said 'as their own bodies,' he added: For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.

That is, he tends it with much care.

And how is she his flesh? Listen:

This now is bone of my bones, he says, and flesh of my flesh.

and not only this, but, They shall be, he says, one flesh.

Even as Christ also loved the Church.

He has come back to the first example.

For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.

How so? For she came into being out of our own substance, just as Eve too was flesh from the flesh of Adam.

And he did well to make mention of bones and flesh;

for these are the most fundamental things in us, flesh and bones;

the one lying beneath like a keel, the other set up like a building.

And how is this? Just as there is so great a closeness there, so also, he says, here.

What does 'of His flesh' mean? That is, genuinely out of Him.

And how are we thus members of Christ? Because we have been begotten according to Him.

And how 'of His flesh'? You know, as many of you as partake of the Mysteries;

for from this we are straightway refashioned.

And how? Again hear this blessed one saying:

Since then the children have shared in flesh and blood, He also in like manner partook of the same.

But here it was He who shared with us, not we with Him;

how then are we of His flesh, and of His bones? Some say it is the blood and the water, but it is not so;

but what he wishes to signify is this: that just as He was begotten without intercourse, of the Holy Spirit, so also we are begotten in the laver of baptism.

See how many examples there are, that that birth might be believed.

Oh, the folly of the heretics!

That which is already born of water, that it is born, they confess to be a true offspring;

but that we become His body, they do not accept.

If then we do not become this, how will the saying fit, 'Of His flesh, and of His bones'? Consider then:

Adam was formed, Christ was begotten;

from the side of Adam came in corruption, from the side of Christ life gushed forth;

in paradise death sprang up, in His cross the destruction of death came about.

As then the Son of God is of our nature, so we are of His substance;

and as He has us in Himself, so also we have Him in us.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.

Behold a third ground of obligation;

for he shows that a man forsakes those who begot him and those from whom he sprang, and cleaves to her;

and thereafter the flesh, the father, the mother, and the child are one, being blended together out of the union of the two;

for when the seeds are mingled, the child is born;

so that the three are one flesh.

In this way then we too become one flesh with Christ through participation;

and much more we than the child.

Why so? Because it has been so from the beginning.

Do not say to me that she is such and such a woman.

Do you not see that even in our flesh we have many defects? For one is lame, another has crooked feet, another withered hands, another some other weak member;

and yet he does not grieve over it nor cut it off, but often even prefers it to the rest.

As great a love then as each has toward himself, so great does he will us to have toward our wife;

not because we share one nature, but even more because of this obligation toward the wife.

since they are no longer two bodies, but one, he being the head, and she the body.

And how does he say elsewhere, 'But the head of Christ is God'? This too I affirm, that just as we are one body, so also Christ and the Father are one.

Thus the Father also is found to be our head.

He sets forth two examples, that of the body, and that of Christ.

This mystery is great;

but I speak concerning Christ and concerning the Church.

What is this? He calls it a great mystery, because the blessed Moses—or rather God Himself—hinted at something great and wonderful;

for the present, however, he says, 'I speak of Christ,' because He too, leaving the Father, came down and came to His bride, and became one spirit with her;

For he that is joined to the Lord is one spirit.

Nevertheless the allegory does not overturn the love.

Nevertheless let you also, every one of you, so love his own wife even as himself;

and let the wife see that she fears her husband.

It is a mystery, and a great mystery, that a man leaves him who begot him, him who reared him, her who bore him in travail, her who suffered for him—that leaving those who bestowed such great benefits, those with whom he had grown familiar—he cleaves to her whom he has not even seen, who has nothing in common with him, and prefers her before all.

And the parents, when these things come to pass, are not vexed, but rather when they do not come to pass;

and when money is spent and expense is incurred, they are glad.

Truly a great mystery, containing a certain unutterable wisdom.

This Moses declared of old, prophesying;

this now Paul also proclaims aloud, saying:

With reference to Christ and to the Church.

Yet it was not said thus for his sake alone, but also for the woman's sake, that he may cherish her as his own flesh, even as Christ also cherishes the Church.

And the wife, that she may fear her husband.

No longer does he set down only what pertains to love, but what? That she may fear her husband.

The woman is a second authority.

Let her therefore not demand equality of honour,

for she is under the head;

nor let him despise her as being subject,

for she is his body; and if the head should despise the body, it too will perish along with it.

But let him bring in love as a counterpoise to her obedience.

As the head, so also the body:

the one providing to it for its service the hands, the feet, and all the other members;

and the head, providing for it, having every sense residing in itself.

Nothing is better than this union.

And how, one asks, can there be love when there is fear? It is then above all that it can arise.

For she who fears also loves;

she who loves fears him as a head, and loves him as a member, since the head too is a member of the whole body.

For this reason He set the one in subjection and placed the other over her, that there might be peace.

For where there is equality of honour, peace could never come to be, neither in a household governed as a democracy, nor where all rule; but there must of necessity be one authority.

And these things hold everywhere in bodily matters;

since if the men be spiritual, there will be peace.

There were five thousand souls, and no one said that any of his possessions was his own, but they were subject to one another.

This is a proof of understanding and of the fear of God.

So then he showed the manner of love, but the manner of fear he no longer showed.

And observe how he enlarges upon love, recounting the things concerning Christ, and the things concerning one's own flesh — the words, 'For this cause shall a man leave his mother and his father;'

but the things of fear he does not enlarge upon.

Why ever so? Because he wishes this rather to prevail — that which pertains to love.

For when this is present, all the rest follows;

but when the other is present, not necessarily so.

For he who loves his wife, even if she be not very obedient, will nevertheless bear with everything;

so difficult and hard a thing is concord, when they are not bound together by love that overpowers all;

fear, however, will by no means accomplish this.

For this reason he dwells the more upon that which is strong.

And the wife, though she seem to be at a disadvantage in that she is commanded to fear, is in fact at an advantage;

for the husband has been enjoined the weightier thing — to love.

What then, if the wife does not fear? one asks. Do you love; fulfil your own part.

For even if the things due from the others do not follow, the things due from us ought to follow.

'Submitting yourselves,' he says, 'one to another in the fear of Christ.'

What then, if the other does not submit? Do you obey the law of God.

So then let the wife, even if she be not loved, nevertheless fear, that nothing may be found lacking on her part;

and let the husband, even if the wife does not fear, nevertheless love, that he himself may in nothing fall short;

for each has received his own portion.

Such then is a marriage that comes to be according to Christ — a spiritual marriage and a spiritual birth, not of blood, not of birth-pangs.

Hear the Scripture saying:

'And it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.'

And the marriage is not from passion nor from bodies, but wholly spiritual, the soul being joined to God in an ineffable union — and He alone knows it.

'He that is joined to the Lord is one spirit.'

Observe how he is earnest both to unite flesh to flesh, and spirit to spirit.

Where now are the heretics? He would not, if marriage were among the things that are reproached, have called them bride and bridegroom;

he brought forward that text, 'A man shall leave his father and his mother,' and again he added that it was spoken 'with reference to Christ and the Church.'

For concerning her the Psalmist also says:

'Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear, and forget your own people and your father's house;'

'and the king shall desire your beauty.'

For this reason Christ also said:

'I came forth from the Father, and am come.'

But when I say that He left the Father, do not suppose it to be such a thing as it is among men — a passing from place to place.

For as He is said to have come forth, not because He went out, but on account of the flesh, so also the phrase, 'He left the Father.'

Why then did he not also say concerning the woman, 'She shall cleave to her husband'? Why ever? Because he was discoursing about love, and was discoursing to the husband.

For to her, when discoursing about fear, he says:

'The husband is the head of the wife;'

and again, that 'Christ also is the head of the Church.'

But about love he discourses to him, and to him he entrusted the things pertaining to it, and the things concerning love he uttered to him, binding him fast and cementing him together.

For he who has left his father for his wife's sake, and then again forsakes and abandons this very woman, of what pardon would he be worthy? Do you not see how great an honour God wishes her to enjoy, in that, having led you away from your father, He nailed you to her? What then, one asks, if the things due from us are done, but she does not follow? But if the unbeliever depart, let him depart.

'A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.'

But when you hear of fear, require the fear that befits a free woman, not as from a bondwoman;

for if you do this, you disgrace yourself, dishonouring your own body.

And what sort of fear is it? So as not to contradict, so as not to rise up in opposition, so as not to crave the pre-eminence;

it suffices for the fear to stand within these bounds.

But if you love, as you were commanded, you will accomplish something greater;

or rather, you will accomplish this no longer by fear, but love itself also works something.

The female sex is somehow the weaker, standing in need of much help, of much condescension.

But what might they say who are joined in a second marriage? I say this not to condemn them—far be it!—

for the Apostle also permitted it;

but showing exceedingly great condescension:

provide her with everything, do everything for her sake, and endure hardship for her.

Here he does not think it fit to bring in his counsel from examples drawn from without, as he does in many places.

For the example of Christ, being great and forceful, was sufficient;

or rather, it also serves as an argument for submission.

'A man shall leave,' he says, 'his father and his mother.'

But he did not say 'and shall dwell with her,' but 'shall be joined to her,' indicating the precise union, the love bound with intensity.

And he was not content even with this, but by what he added he showed the union in such a way that the two no longer appear as two.

He did not say 'into one spirit,' he did not say 'into one soul';

for that indeed is evident, and possible for anyone;

but rather in such a way as to be one flesh.

This is a second principle of rule, a rule that also possesses much equality of honor;

nevertheless, the husband still has something more.

This is the greatest salvation of a household.

For he took over that example of Christ, not that one ought merely to love, but also to regulate.

'That she may be,' he says, 'holy and without blemish.'

And the words 'of the flesh' point to loving, and the word 'shall be joined' likewise points to loving.

For if you render her holy and without blemish, everything else follows.

Seek the things of God, and human things will follow with great ease.

Regulate your wife, and thus the household is held together.

Hear Paul saying:

'But if they wish to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home.'

If we govern our own households in this way, we shall be fit also for the oversight of the Church;

for the household too is a little Church.

Thus it is possible for men and women, having become good, to surpass all others.

Consider Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, and the three hundred and eighteen servants born in his house;

how the whole household was knit together, how it was full of piety.

She both fulfilled the apostolic injunction and feared her husband;

'It has not yet happened to me until now, and my lord is old.'

and he so loved her that he obeyed her in everything she commanded.

And the child was virtuous, and the servants born in the house were themselves also admirable—those who did not shrink from sharing danger with their master, nor put it off, nor asked the reason;

but one of them, the one set over the rest, was so admirable that he was entrusted even with the marriage of the only-begotten son and with a journey to a foreign land.

For just as in the case of a general, when the army too is well disciplined, the enemy finds no way in from any quarter;

so too here, when husband and wife and children and servants are all attentive to the same things, great is the concord of the household;

since, if it is not so, often through one worthless servant the whole is overturned and dissolved, and the one has often ruined and destroyed the whole.

Let us therefore take much forethought for our wives and children and servants, knowing that we shall thereby make our rule easy for ourselves, and that we shall have a mild and lenient reckoning, and shall say:

'Behold, I and the children whom God has given me.'

If the husband is admirable, and the head is fair, the rest of the body will suffer no violence.

Now as to how matters concerning the wife might be well arranged, and the husband too, he spoke exactly, exhorting her to fear as the head, and him to love as his wife.

'But how could these things come about?' says someone;

and the 'how' I will tell you:

if we despise riches, if we look to one thing alone, the virtue of the soul, if we have the fear of God before our eyes.

For what he said when discoursing to the servants—'Whatever good or evil each one does, this he will receive from the Lord'—this holds here also.

Therefore love her not so much for her own sake as for Christ's sake.

This indeed he also hinted at when he said:

'As one obeying the Lord, then, and doing all things for His sake, so do all things';

this is sufficient to lead on and persuade, and to permit no quarreling or dissension to exist.

Let no faithful person be one who slanders the husband before the wife;

but neither let the husband lightly believe anything against the wife, nor let the wife meddlesomely pry into comings and goings without cause;

nor indeed let the husband render himself worthy of any suspicion.

For tell me, why do you give yourself the whole day to your friends, but to your wife the evening, and even so are unable to satisfy her and to set her beyond suspicion? And if the wife brings a charge, do not be vexed;

it comes of love, not of arrogance;

the reproaches come of a love that boils, of a disposition that is inflamed, and of fear.

For she is afraid lest someone has stolen her bed, lest someone has robbed her of the sum of her goods, lest someone has taken away her head, lest someone has undermined her marriage-bed.

There is yet another occasion of pettiness of soul;

let no one lay claim beyond measure to the servants—neither the husband to the maidservant, nor the wife to the manservant;

for these things too are enough to give birth to suspicions.

For consider for me those righteous ones:

Sarah herself bade the patriarch take Hagar;

she herself gave the command, no one compelled it, nor did the husband seek it;

but although he had passed a long time in childlessness, he chose never to become a father rather than to grieve his wife.

Yet nevertheless, after all these things, what does Sarah say? 'May God judge between me and you.'

Now if it had been any other man, would he not have been moved to anger? Would he not have even stretched out his hands, all but saying:

'What are you saying? I did not wish to lie with the woman, the whole thing was of your doing, and again you accuse me?' But he said no such thing;

but what? 'Behold, the handmaid is in your hands;

deal with her as it may be pleasing to you.'

He gave up the partner of his bed, that he might not grieve Sarah.

And yet nothing is greater than this for building goodwill.

For if the mere sharing of a table produces oneness of soul even with robbers, toward those who were once enemies (and the Psalmist too says:

'You who with me together made my food sweet');

then the becoming of one flesh thereafter (for this is what it means to share the marriage bed) is far more able to draw two together.

But none of these things prevailed to overcome the righteous man; rather he gave her over to be the woman's husband, showing that nothing had come about through any fault of his own.

Who would not have pitied a woman carrying a child by him? Yet the righteous man was not bent aside;

for above all things he set the love he owed his wife.

Let us too imitate this man.

Let no one reproach his neighbor with poverty, let no one be in love with money, and everything is set at rest.

Nor let the wife say to her husband:

'You unmanly and cowardly fellow, full of sluggishness and torpor and much sleep! Such-and-such a man, humble and of humble stock, having taken up dangers and set out on journeys abroad, has amassed a great fortune, and his wife wears gold, and goes forth on a pair of white mules, and is carried about everywhere, and has droves of household slaves and a swarm of eunuchs;

but you cower down and live to no purpose.'

Let no wife say these things, or things like them;

for she is a body, not that she should give orders to the head, but that she should obey and submit.

'How then,' someone says, 'will she bear poverty? From where will she find consolation?' Let her choose out for herself the women poorer than herself; let her reckon again how many noble maidens, of noble birth, not only received nothing from their husbands but even gave a dowry and squandered all that was their own;

let her consider the dangers that come from such riches, and she will welcome the untroubled life.

And in general, if she is affectionately disposed toward her husband, she will say nothing of the sort, but will choose rather to have him near her though he provides nothing, than ten thousand talents of gold together with the anxiety and care that always arises for wives from their husbands' journeys abroad.

But neither let the husband, when he hears these things, as though he held authority, turn to insults and blows; rather let him exhort, admonish, and, as one dealing with the less perfect, win her over by reasonings, and never lift his hands;

these things are far from a free soul;

nor insults, nor reproaches, nor revilings;

but let him bring her into order as one who is rather in a foolish state.

And from where will this come about? If she learns the true riches, if she learns the philosophy that is from above, she will bring no such accusations.

Let him teach her that poverty is no evil;

let him teach her, not only by what he says, but also by what he does;

let him teach her to despise worldly glory, and the wife will neither say nor desire any such thing.

As one receiving a statue, so from that very evening on which he receives her into the bridal chamber, let him teach her chastity, gentleness, how she is to live soberly, from the very outset and at the very doorway casting down the love of money;

and let him train her in this philosophy, and exhort her that there should not be gold hung upon her ears and about her cheeks and set about her neck, nor spread about the bridal chamber, nor golden and costly garments laid up;

but let the adornment indeed be bright, only let not the brightness fall away into extravagance;

rather, leaving these things to the players on the stage, let him himself with much decorum adorn the house, so that it breathes chastity rather than any other fragrance.

For from this two good things will result, and even three;

first, the bride will not be grieved when the bridal decorations are taken down, and the garments and the golden ornaments and the silver vessels are sent back each to its owner;

second, the bridegroom will not be anxious over the loss and the safekeeping of the things gathered together.

Third, in addition to these, the chief of all the good things: by these very acts he will display his own mind, that he takes pleasure in none of these things, and that he will also do away with all the rest, and will never allow either dancings or unseemly songs to take place.

And I know indeed that I perhaps seem ridiculous to some, in laying down laws of this kind;

nevertheless, if you will be persuaded by me, as time goes on, and as you enjoy the benefit that comes from the thing itself, then you will know the gain;

and the laughter will pass away, and you will laugh at the present custom, and will see that what is now done truly belongs to senseless children and drunken men;

but the things I urge belong to chastity and to philosophy, and to the highest way of life.

What then do I say must be done? Remove from the wedding all the shameful songs, the satanic ones, the unseemly odes, the throngs of unbridled youths, and by these very things you will be able to bring the bride to sobriety.

For at once she will reason within herself: 'Amazing!

what manner of man is this? He is a lover of wisdom; he counts the present life as nothing; he has brought me into his own house for the bearing of children and

the rearing of children, for the keeping of the household.'

But are these things distasteful to the bride? Only until the first day, and the second;

but thereafter no longer; rather she will reap the very greatest pleasure, freeing herself from all suspicion.

For he who has endured neither flutes nor dancers nor languishing songs, and that at the very time of the wedding, would scarcely ever endure to do or say anything shameful.

And after this, when you have removed all these things from the wedding, take her and mold her well, drawing out her modesty over a long time, and not dissolving it quickly.

For even if the girl be somewhat shameless, she knows how to keep silent for a season, being abashed before her husband and unaccustomed to the situation.

You then, do not dissolve this modesty quickly, as the licentious sort of men do, but draw it out over a long time;

for this will be great gain to you.

She will meanwhile bring no accusation, will not find fault with whatever you shape her to.

Lay down all your laws, then, in that season in which shame, like a bridle set upon the soul, permits her to blame nothing nor to bring any charge against what is done.

For when she gets hold of boldness, with much license she overturns and confounds everything.

When then is there another season so fitting for molding a wife as that in which she reveres her husband, and still fears and stands in awe of him? Then lay down for her all the laws, and she will altogether be persuaded, whether willingly or unwillingly.

But how will you not destroy her modesty? When you yourself appear no less bashful than she, conversing but little, and that with much gravity and reserve;

then set before her the words concerning philosophy;

establish her in the fairest habit, I mean modesty.

And if you wish, I will even for the sake of an example tell what one ought to say to her.

For if Paul did not decline to say, 'Do not deprive one another,' and uttered the words of a bridal instructress—or rather not of a bridal instructress, but of a spiritual soul—

much more shall we not decline to speak.

What then ought one to say to her? One should speak to her with much grace, saying:

'We, my child, have taken you as a partner of our life, and have brought you in to share in the things more honorable and more necessary to us, in the bearing of children and the management of the household.

What then do we entreat of you?' Or rather, before this, speak of the things of love;

for nothing so contributes to persuading the hearer to accept what is said, as to learn that it is spoken with much love.

How then will you show your love? If you say: 'Though it was possible for me to take many, both wealthier and of illustrious family, I did not choose to, but fell in love with you and with your way of life—your decorum, your gentleness, your chastity.'

Then, straightway from these things, prepare a way for the words concerning philosophy, and arraign wealth with a certain circumlocution.

For if you simply strain a discourse against wealth, you will be burdensome;

but if you take hold of an occasion, you will accomplish everything.

For you will seem to be doing the thing in the manner of a defense, not as one austere and graceless and niggardly; but when you take your occasion from her own case, she will even be delighted.

You will say then (for it is necessary to take up the discourse again), that though it was possible to marry a rich and wealthy woman, I could not endure it.

Why so? Not simply, nor at random, but I was well taught that wealth is no possession, but a thing to be despised, belonging also to robbers and harlots and grave-robbers.

Therefore, leaving these things aside, I came to the virtue of your soul, which I prize above all gold.

For a prudent and free-spirited young maiden, one who is careful for reverence and godliness, is worth the whole world.

For these very reasons I have embraced you and love you, and I set you before my own soul.

For the present life is nothing; and I pray and beseech and do all things, that we may be counted worthy so to order this present life, that we may be able there also, in the age to come, to be together with one another in great freedom and confidence.

For this present time is short and perishable;

but if we should be counted worthy, having been well-pleasing to God, so to pass through this life,

we shall be forever with Christ and with one another, in yet greater delight.

I set your love before all things, and nothing is so grievous or burdensome to me as ever to be at variance with you;

even if I must lose all things, even if I must become poorer than Irus, even if I must undergo the utmost dangers, even if I must suffer anything whatsoever, all these are bearable and endurable to me, so long as things stand well between me and you;

and my children too will then be dear to me, so long as you are kindly disposed toward us.

And it will be needful that you too do these same things.

Then mingle in the apostolic words as well, that God wills our mutual affection to be knit together in this way.

For hear the Scripture saying:

'For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife.'

Let there be with us no pretext for pettiness of soul;

away with money, and the multitude of slaves, and the honors that come from outsiders;

to me this is more precious than all these things.

Of how much gold, of how many treasures will these words not be more longed-for to a wife? Do not fear that she will ever grow presumptuous against you at being loved, but confess that you love her.

For harlots, clinging now to this man, now to that, might with reason be lifted up against their lovers when they hear such words;

but a free woman and a well-born maiden would never be puffed up by these words, but rather is by far the more bowed and humbled.

Show that you set great store by her company, and that you would rather be at home for her sake than in the marketplace;

and prefer her before all your friends, and before the children born of her; and let even these be loved by you for her sake.

If she does anything good, praise and admire her;

if she does anything amiss, such as befalls young women, admonish her and gently remind her.

Condemn riches and extravagance up and down, and point out the adornment that comes from modesty and from dignity, and continually teach what is profitable.

Let your prayers be in common;

let each go forth to the church, and of the things spoken and read there, let the husband require of the wife her portion at home, and she of the husband.

If any poverty presses upon you, bring forward into the midst the holy men, Paul and Peter, who were held in higher esteem than all kings and rich men, and how they passed their life even in hunger and in thirst;

teach her that nothing in this life is to be feared, save only to offend against God.